Cooke: Drug dealers are America’s heroes during quarantine

Cody Cooke

Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board.

If there’s one silver lining to the outbreak of COVID-19 in the United States, it’s the nationwide recognition of the Americans who deserve our respect and our gratitude. Our hearts go out to those fighting this virus on the front lines: the doctors and nurses, the McDonald’s french-fryers and the Walmart truck drivers making sure everyone has paper towels and Cheez-Its in these trying times.

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But one occupation deserves thanks more than any other: the true heroes of this global pandemic — the drug dealers.

Usually thought of as criminals and degenerates, our local drug dealers have stepped up to the plate, selflessly devoting themselves to their communities and ensuring that no one has to be sober while they stay at home indefinitely. Sure, Netflix and AT&T have done their part to make sure we all have things to watch and internet to browse, but what’s the point of all of it if we can’t be high in the meantime?

Fighting against those Covidiots who hoarded it all to begin with, our dealers have intervened and have become the heroes this country needs.”

Local drug dealers are now demonstrating that, like everyone else, they are more than capable of adapting in order to stay in business. Mailbox drop-offs and delivery services ensure that social distancing protocols aren’t broken, and many dealers are waiving the charges for their services, empathetic to their customers’ precarious employment situations.

Drug dealers are showing that they care, and right now, that is just what America needs.

Drug dealers deserve our deep respect because not only are they providing their services with unanticipated consistency, but they are putting themselves at risk to make sure we don’t have to.

Whereas most of us need only to step out on our porch to get that sweet substance relief, the dealers making the deliveries are bravely traversing the town, navigating through potentially virus-filled streets and coming close to doorknobs and gate latches that very easily could mean infection. They are demonstrating the true American value of self-sacrifice for the greater good.

While stay-at-home orders and store closures may be nationwide, laws dictating substance legality are not. Our drug dealers who continue to risk their lives for their customers in states where their actions could get them in trouble deserve our utmost respect.

Colorado users have it easy compared to those of us quarantined in the South, where drugs of any kind are the devil’s work and are loaded with hateful stigma. To all the dealers between Texas and Georgia, our hearts are with you brave and selfless soldiers.

Sure, Netflix and AT&T have done their part to make sure we all have things to watch and Internet to browse, but what’s the point of all of it if we can’t be high in the meantime?”

If you’ve been to the grocery store lately, you might have noticed a drastic shortage of pandemic essentials such as hand sanitizer, bleach cleaners and sweet, forbidden rolls of two-ply toilet paper. Now, we’re counting on drug dealers, the fearless fighters of the black market fray, to deliver those lost commodities to us at reasonable cash prices.

Fighting against those covidiots who hoarded it all to begin with, our dealers have intervened and have become the heroes this country needs.

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Going above and beyond their expectations, America’s drug dealers are fighting the good fight along with all the medical professionals on the front lines. In spite of the danger it poses to them, in spite of the stigma they’ve been unfairly forced to bear, they are proving that when this country needs them most, they can and will answer the call.

God bless you, drug dealers, and Godspeed.

Cody Cooke can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @CodyCooke17.