Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Settling back into campus life for spring semester brings Colorado State University students a plethora of emotions. This year, amid the shock of smelly wind from Greeley and the soulless appearance of the goose-fertilized IM fields, one aspect of the campus ambiance brings students solace.

The public pianos at the Lory Student Center allow students to fill the air with something that resembles music. 

“On a cold, windy Monday night, there’s nothing more uplifting than sitting by myself and playing ‘Chopsticks’ in the wrong key,” said Micah Martin, a second-year CSU student.

Martin’s fans include visiting high school seniors, her parents and fellow students, who are forced to listen as they stop on the sidewalk to watch the very urgent TikTok video their RA just sent in the GroupMe.

“It’s really inspiring to watch someone procrastinate for so long yet never commit to learning something more difficult than ‘Heart and Soul,’” said third-year economics major Joshua Perezozo. “I can only strive to procrastinate doing my laundry with the same conviction.”

On a cold, windy Monday night, there’s nothing more uplifting than sitting by myself and playing ‘Chopsticks’ in the wrong key.” -Micah Martin, CSU student

Despite other CSU students being recognized for their accolades on shows such as “Teen Mom” and “American Ninja Warrior,” few were aware that Martin was actually nominated for a Grammy Award after her three-hour long performance of ‘River Flows in You’ on the LSC grand piano during finals week.

Although she ran short of the title for Best at Watching How-To Videos on YouTube, Martin refuses to be discouraged. 

“Nearly everyone knows how to play these songs on the piano, but when I do it, it sounds better,” she remarked. “I’ll continue to play for my fans because I’d rather do that than pass my o-chem test or call my mom, who has been trying to repaint my childhood bedroom and kick me off her HBO account for two years now.” 

After her disappointment at the Grammys, Martin now sets her sights on playing one of the many pianos in Old Town, which will take her to even higher heights. 

“It’s all about making people hear me and believing that I am gifted — you can’t get that from a YouTube video,” she said. 

Abby Vander Graaff can be reached at letters@collegian.com or online at @abbym_vg.