Seriously: Ghosts of CSU demand recognition

Kenia Ortiz

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Colorado State University ghosts have felt left out of CSU’s community for decades, especially on Halloween, and they want this Halloween to be different.

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“We are a part of this community,” Ghost Bella said, “we have been here longer than they ever will be and we are not given our place.”

On Oct. 15, Tony Frank agreed to sit down with the ghosts that reside on our campus and listen to their concerns.

Tony listened to the ghosts for six hours, six minutes and six seconds when he finally came to a solution that will allow them to feel like a part of the CSU community.

Ghosts are not allowed to leave their haunting location, but the playing of one song on the pipe organ allows them to leave their location for 24 hours.

Tony Frank has been taking pipe organ classes every day at witching hour and will be playing the first song on an organ at 12 a.m. on October 31st.

An organ player is being installed in his office and speakers are being placed around CSU so that the sound of the pipe organ can release all ghosts.

CSU ghosts asked that Tony Frank to play Toccata and Fugue by J.S. Bach as the song that will release them for the night since it is a ghostly favorite.

Once the song is played, all fellow ghosts will be able to freely roam CSU.

“These students talk on and on about spooky season and ghosts,” says Ghost Bill, “but they fail to recognize our very spooky presence on campus.”

“These students talk on and on about spooky season and ghosts,” says Ghost Bill, “but they fail to recognize our very spooky presence on campus.”

The pianos around CSU will be replaced with the spooky organ instrument that ghosts will be playing Halloween night. 

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The majority of the ghosts have been haunting CSU for decades, which has given them time to master the playing of the pipe organ, which is also a pre-requisite in order to be considered a ghost.

“We are not malicious beings,” says Ghost Analisse, “we just want to roam the campus grounds for a day. We have been held captive in our locations for years. We deserve freedom too.”

When asked what plans they had for Halloween night, the ghosts said they would be playing the pipe organs around CSU, visiting dorms and giving resident’s “the chills” to get them in the Halloween spirit and gathering at Ramskellar.

The ghosts have not seen one another in years and would love the opportunity to have a beer and converse.

“It is time for us to come out of the shadows and enjoy Halloween with the rest of the CSU community,” Ghost Lucifer said, “and if we continue to be ignored, we will make sure our presence on this campus is recognized.”

Kenia Ortiz can be reached at letters@collegain.com or online at @Kenia_Ortiz_