The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
From the Rockies to the Races: Why College Students Are Joining the Celebrity-Packed  Kentucky Derby
From the Rockies to the Races: Why College Students Are Joining the Celebrity-Packed Kentucky Derby
April 24, 2024

The Kentucky Derby, often celebrated as “the most exciting two minutes in sports,” transcends mere horse racing to become a staple of American...

Seriously: Mike Bobo caught using coach enhancing drugs after Hawaii game

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the Collegians opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Fort Collins — Colorado State head football coach, Mike Bobo, has been placed on temporary leave following the rams football win against Hawaii.

Ad

The newly developed drug goes by the name “coach-eroids,” and elevates the user’s coaching ability to unnatural levels. The drug triggers hormones in the body that dramatically improves half-time speeches, play-calling, strategy, and overall charisma.

“Bobo is the best coach I’ve ever had,” said a player, who has chosen to remain anonymous, “But I never would have thought it was because he was taking drugs. It’s disappointing.”

Competitor schools are speaking out about CSU and the injustice Bobo caused to their games. Abilene Christian head coach Adam Dorrel is outraged by the advantage the CSU team had.

“We’d have won the game if Bobo’s play calling wasn’t so damn genius.” Dorrel said. “Now I know how he did it.”

It is not certain how long Bobo has been using the drugs, but quarterback Nick Stevens said he noticed a change in Bobo near the start of the season.

“I can’t explain it, he just became like one of those coaches you would see in the movies.” Stevens said. “Have you ever seen ‘Remember the Titans? That’s bobo, man.’”

For now, the university, as well as the NCAA are continuing their investigation and will soon decide if Bobo should be permanently terminated from coaching. CSU president Tony Frank conveyed his disapproval of these actions in a statement Tuesday.

“Winning football games is the single most important thing to this school, but not if it means sacrificing our integrity… makes me sick,” Frank said.

Satire writer Ty Betts can be reached at letters@collegian.com or online @tybetts9.

Ad

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *