Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the Collegians opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

FORT COLLINS– This Tuesday evening, a group of students pushing the limits on what’s possible with a paper printer are coming to the Morgan Library.  

This would be the newly established 2-D Printing Club; an organization passionate about applying ink to paper. Michael Carrel, president of the club, said he has been using printers all his life. He believes he is now an expert at printing.

“Black and white, color, double sided, numbered — you name it, I can do it.” Carrel said while simultaneously showing off his weathered, paper-cut hands.

Carrel said he hopes to share what he has learned over the years with his peers. Club members start off the night by taking pictures of 3-D objects that will later appear on a 2-D piece of paper. The images are loaded onto a computer and ‘copy-pasted’ into a Microsoft Word document.

“This is when the printing comes into play,” Carrel said. “We send a signal to a printer telling it what we need it to do and within seconds you have a printed page with your picture on it.”

After that it’s just a matter of taking a pair of scissors, cutting the 2-D image out, and taping it to the club’s image board.

“I show up each week just to watch,” said Emily Burroughs. Though not an active printer herself, she said what this club does is art at its finest.   

Some nights all members work together on a group project focused on taking printing to the next level. Perhaps most impressive of these endeavors was printing out enough pages to create an entire 2-D Monopoly board complete with everything you need to play the game.

“It was incredible,” Carrel said. “We had little paper houses, hotels, and money. All of which was in color.”

To anyone interested, the 2-D Printing club is always open to new members. Membership is free, but individuals pay for their own ink and paper expenses. Additionally, newbies are required to pass a printing safety test as well as sign a liability waiver.  

“We are breaking new ground here and we want everyone to be a part of it,” Carrel said.  

Satire writer Ty Betts can be reached at letters@collegian.com or online @tybetts9.