Seriously: Obama continues to ask for White House security deposit

Ty Betts

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the Collegians opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editors notes are subject to being offended.

Former United States president Barack Obama has been in an intense legal battle with the federal government struggling to get his security deposit back on the White House.

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The White House, Obama’s home during his two terms in office, is officially owned by the National Park Service who have refused to give back a $2600 security deposit to the former United States president.

For now the Supreme Court is in possession of the deposit until they decide if use of the money for repairs is warranted. The NPS and its team of lawyers claimed that there were several violations to the lease that Obama carelessly ignored during his presidency.  

“He never even asked if he could get the dog,” said Michael T. Reynolds the director of the NPS. “It chewed up sections of baseboard around the house and scratched up the floor with its paws.

Obama said he believes he left the property in excellent condition before leaving and is demanding to be fully reimbursed. He has also expressed frustration with the NPS taking unnecessary actions with his money.

“They hired an expensive cleaning service with my money,” Obama said. “But, I know for a fact, that my family and I made sure the home was spotless before leaving. Its irritating.”

The NPS claimed that they also had to replace carpet in Joe Biden’s office, and because Biden had never signed the lease, they are legally authorized to take money from Obama’s deposit.

“There’s no way we could leave Mike Pence the Vice President’s quarters in that condition. Biden was a complete mess and had soda stains all over the carpet.” Reynolds said.

For now, lawyers are re-examining every square inch of the lease preparing to take this case to court where it might be held up for the foreseeable future.  

“Eight years of serving my country — you would think getting my security deposit back wouldn’t be too much to ask for,” Obama said.

Satire writer Ty Betts can be reached at letters@collegian.com or online @tybetts9.

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