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Tougaw: An ode to the campus megaphone man–what would we do without you?

I would like to take this moment to call out one of our campus heroes: The megaphone-holding, Bernie-worshiping, man-bun wearing dude screaming about voting.

The first time I saw you, you were carrying around a Donald Trump pinata with a rope hanging around the neck. At this moment, I knew you were the hero we needed. I tried to confront you about it and ask why you thought that was okay, but all you could manage was to tuck your tail between your legs and whimper away, nary giving me a word in retort. It was then that I learned that not only were you tolerant and righteous in your beliefs, but I realized you also had a spine to back them up!

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Just yesterday, I had a meeting with my professor at the very tippy-top of Clark B. As I was walking there, I thought to myself “Gee, I haven’t voted yet. I hope someone incessantly shouts at me, telling me how to vote while I’m in a meeting with my professor.”

Lo and behold, my wish came true; for the entire hour that I was in his office, I heard you through your megaphone loud and clear:

“If you don’t vote today, you’ll never get to vote again!”

“If Donald Trump gets elected, the world will burn up and die!”

(At least, that’s what I heard.)

Maybe the fact that your megaphone is covered with ‘I’m with her’ stickers distorts what people hear coming out of it, but who knows. Thankfully, every professor that has an office anywhere near you heard your message at least once– or 75 times.

I just wish people had more classes in the day so they can hear your incessant blabbering. Most people only have to hear you in between every. single. one. of their classes, but this clearly isn’t enough– people should have to listen to you even while they’re in class! I’m so glad that you don’t have any classes of your own, because then who would be out yelling at people to vote?

I also want to congratulate you on your voter intimidation tactics. As I was standing by your supposedly neutral booth, somebody came up and asked you where to drop ballots off. You replied “If you aren’t with Hillary, I can’t help you.” It was everything I could do to not applaud you right then and there. Again, a phenomenal response. Way to keep those opposing viewpoints in check. After all, you didn’t shout at people to vote for hours and hours just to have them actually go vote, did you?

When Hillary wins, you should pat yourself on the back long and hard. After all, you pretty much single-handedly swayed Colorado in her direction.

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So, keep that man-bun tight and those jeans awkwardly rolled up at the bottoms. Don’t let anyone tell you to stop, because no one can do you better than you, boo.

Please note that this article contains sarcasm. Big time.

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Comments (13)

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  • M

    Menachem MevashirNov 11, 2016 at 7:39 am

    Reply
  • M

    Menachem MevashirNov 9, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    My prayers go out to all the students who supported Hillary and were shocked and disillusioned by the election results.

    I pray G+D will shield your hearts from disappointment and cynicism and will send you mentors to help inspire you to achieve your true spiritual destinies.

    AMEN!

    Reply
  • M

    MichaelNov 8, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    …Imagine the change you CSU undergrads could bring about by simply agreeing to boycott all athletic events?! Do you think it’s just and fair that the football coach (some idiot named BOBO of all things, like a chimpanzee!) gets 10X the salary of a tenured professor?

    What would happen to all of Tony Frank’s grandiose dreams if you all just agreed not to go to ANY football games while you are undergrads until coaches get the SAME salary as a full tenured professor? (Even that’s too high in my estimation.)

    You guys would make that campus rock with truth justice and the American Way!

    You don’t need BOOBS in Washington to create change. You can do it yourselves, big time!

    (BOOBS = Barrie Sotero Or Barrack Obama, short change you can believe in)

    Try to think outside the matrix.

    Come up with some creative problem solving.

    Don’t let CSU milk you like a bunch of stupid cows for the money it so craves.

    Insist on getting YOUR money’s worth!

    AMEN.

    Reply
  • M

    Menachem MevashirNov 8, 2016 at 8:28 am

    This is my final take on the American derElections: http://www.4shared.com/web/preview/pdf/ulvc–I9ba

    Reply
  • M

    MichaelNov 7, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    GREAT ARTICLE TAYLOR. For me the big disappointment is that CSU doesn’t demand a bit more order on the plaza. The DemoNcrats took over the whole place, writing in chalk all over the grounds and even on nearby buildings. Doesn’t CSU have ANY standards about defacing property?

    The only message bun head and his obnoxious pals conveyed was that they can shout louder than the Repubs. The first day I was out there criticizing Hlllary one of bun head’s female pals told me to go away because CSU students are too young to handle difficult and ocntroversial information such as I was providing: http://www.KKKillary.blogspot.com

    And yes the DemoNcrats certainly made sure to pander to the lowest common denominator.

    They told everyone that Hillary is Love. What a joke! Love on the Lolita Express Island of sleeze. Love for her sexaholic sex abusing husband.

    If Hillary’s Love then it’s like Typhoid Mary. One fervent embrace from her and you’re a dead man.

    GOD SAVE AMERICA.

    AND THANKS AGAIN TAYLOR.

    Reply
  • J

    JordanNov 7, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    I don’t dislike megaphone guy as much as you do, but I agree with a lot of the points made in this article. What I’m disappointed about is that it was necessary to include the disclaimer “This article contains sarcasm.” To me, that shows that either the writing is not able to convey sarcasm (which wasn’t the case) or you have to write in a way that is fearful of your readership. This was a critical article that commented on a topic in a satirical way, and if this paper feels they must warn people before reading satire then there are some real problems to be addressed. Op-ed articles should address controversial topics with real opinions without fear of backlash from readers; the Collegian must do this rather than pandering to the needs of the delicate few who can’t handle opinions that differ from their own.

    Reply
    • M

      MichaelNov 7, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      I think the reason for the disclaimer was so readers wouldn’t think Tougaw supports bun head.

      Bun head was an obnoxious pig, I did some pro Trump outreach and bun head seemed to be there all day every day for the past month.

      I doubt he is a CSU student at all. Probably an outside agitator well paid by the Soros foundation.

      His shouting with a megaphone was SO inappropriate. I had no idea that he was disturbing classes nearby either.

      One day he offered free beer to anyone who voted. I phoned the county elections clerk who came down to speak to him, but it seemed hardly to make a dent in his chutzpah.

      If you are interested this is the blog I put together describing Hillary Clinton’s many crimes against American society and against humanity: http://www.KKKillary.blogspot.com

      I feel sorry for the CSU student body who are going to be the ones drafted for Hillary’s war agenda and plans to topple Putin from power.

      Most students who support Hillary seem to want a woman in the Oval Office at any cost, no matter how unsuitable she is.

      Is HRC really the best the Demos could come up with? So dirty, cynical, sleazy and dishonest? Do we want Bill back roaming among the secretarial pool again?

      I understand the desire for change, but this isn’t change we can believe in.

      It’s more like being Short-Changed.

      Maybe forever.

      GOD SAVE AMERICA.

      AMEN.

      Reply
    • M

      MichaelNov 7, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      Another legitimate reason Taylor had to write the disclaimer is because, judging from my experiences on the plaza for the past month, CSU students are remarkably obtuse and ignorant. They seem incapable of weighing genuine evidence and judging things truthfully.

      They laughed when I presented evidence that HRC as secretary of state supported ISIS as a payoff to her Saudi donors and to help Israel destabilize Syria.

      They laughed when I claimed HRC caused the refugee crisis over which the US media weeps crocodile tears.

      They laughed when I said that Trump isn’t a total misogynist but only hates stupid and ugly women like many of Hillary’s supporters.

      So Taylor’s disclaimer is VERY appropriate, unfortunately, since this election season has proven to me that CSU undergrads are a frightfully ignorant selfish and intellectually lazy group.

      But who cares, so long as Tony Frank’s new stadium opens on time, right?

      Beer and circuses for Ame Reekins.

      Reply
      • J

        JordanNov 7, 2016 at 10:19 pm

        Woooooah this wasn’t even really what I was talking about. This went to a political realm I wasn’t really trying to touch on; I was commenting more on media than politics.

        But, regardless, if you think it’s not misogyny to hate “ugly women”, you are no better than the people you’re criticizing.

        Reply
        • M

          Menachem MevashirNov 8, 2016 at 8:24 am

          I said stupid and ugly. If a person is attractive, then their stupidity can be overlooked. Likewise if a person is intelligent their ugliness can be overlooked. But both traits combined is totally repulsive.

          And the willfulness of the DemoNcrats to make themselves blind to Killary’s evil is both stupid AND ugly.

          Reply
          • J

            JordanNov 8, 2016 at 1:54 pm

            …you can’t be serious right now. You’re saying it’s okay to be stupid, as long as you have looks, or vice versa? That may not qualify as misogyny, it take a special kind of stupid to think that’s not discrimination or is in any way okay. To treat people differently based on looks is extremely prejudiced and if you can’t see that then you have no right to be criticizing others.

          • M

            MichaelNov 8, 2016 at 4:40 pm

            It’s never ok to be stupid. But if they are good looking at least they have some redeeming value.

            I’m not talking about retardation or a learning disability either. I’m talking about willful ignorance of a subject about which one is campaigning or promoting.

            Like bun head regardng HRC’s corruption.

            Or like most CSU students, whose tuitions soar to pay outrageous salaries for sports teams coaches and to build unneeded stadiums while their education goes down the drain. And they never complain.

            Have you ever considered the power students have to go on strike? To collectively withhold tuition payments?

            You unfortunately demonstrate that stupidity is alive and well at CSU.

          • M

            MichaelNov 8, 2016 at 5:57 pm

            Imagine the change you CSU undergrads could bring about by simply agreeing to boycott all athletic events?! Do you think it’s just and fair that the football coach (some idiot named BOBO of all things, like a chimpanzee!) gets 10X the salary of a tenured professor?

            What would happen to all of Tony Frank’s grandiose dreams if you all just agreed not to go to ANY football games while you are undergrads until coaches get the SAME salary as a full tenured professor? (Even that’s too high in my estimation.)

            You guys would make that campus rock with truth justice and the American Way!

            You don’t need BOOBS in Washington to create change. You can do it yourselves, big time!

            (BOOBS = Barrie Sotero Or Barrack Obama, short change you can believe in)

            Try to think outside the matrix.

            Come up with some creative problem solving.

            Don’t let CSU milk you like a bunch of stupid cows for the money it so craves.

            Insist on getting YOUR money’s worth!

            AMEN.