If nice guys finish last, then why be held back by your morals?

Everyone knows the cliché — nice guys finish last. Basic logic necessitates that if this old adage is true, the only decision that I could make is to become a jerk.

We all see it every day. The pretty girl that’s beautiful inside and out is almost always dating the biggest jerk you could ever meet.

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Empirically I’ve been shown that if I want to date a nice, pretty girl, I have to be an ass. It seems the world has forced my hand.

Being good doesn’t just put you behind in the dating world, it’ll put you behind in other aspects of life as well. Thus explaining my lackluster performance in the real world. What use is there in being the good guy?

Imagine, if you will, that a situation arose where you found a bag of money. Well if you’re the good honest fellow you’ll turn it in and get a pat on the back and a thank you note. Yippee.

However, imagine you’re the dishonest, conniving “Draco Malfoy” of the world. You could take that money, buy yourself a nice new car, some new clothes, maybe go on a vacation and then start investing it to make even more money.

So seriously, which would you rather be? The rich guy with nice things and a leg up in the world, or the guy with a big thank you note. Be honest. Don’t end up poor like me!

Next, let’s assume you have the opportunity to cheat on a test, if you did you would likely get an A, if you don’t, well you probably didn’t study,which is why you’ll need to cheat and you’ll likely end up with a D.

This bad score will affect your grade. Maybe even your GPA and a poor GPA means you look bad on your applications, so you’ll likely be joining the proud ranks of the unemployed, or at best landing your dream job as a pizza delivery driver.

We do not live in a world that tangibly rewards moral decisions. In this scenario you’ve made all the morally right choices, but where has that gotten you?

You’ve got no girlfriend, no money and no job, and it’s mighty hard to hold your head high when all three of those areas are in the toilet.  In essence, you’re me — that’s just sad (trust me).

Meanwhile, our hypothetical Malfoy gets the beautiful woman, gets rich and gets a great job because he has no qualms about cheating. Second guessing your moral high ground yet?

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All you’ve done is obeyed your institutionalized morality and made your conscience proud. At least Jiminy Cricket will respect you.

A liar, thief and a dishonest man is proactive about his life. He goes out, does what he needs to do to be successful in this world and doesn’t take no for an answer, ever.

Meanwhile little nice guy has to play by the rules, and is dependent on someone noticing his work ethic and values in order for him to climb up the ladder rung by rung. While Malfoy pushes the top guy off the ladder and accomplishes the same goals 20 years faster.

The nice guy is just at a disadvantage, and he has to work so hard to get so little. Meanwhile the winners in this world refuse to be held to such immaterial standards.

The world is not built to be fair and to give bonus points to the man with the most honest convictions. If anything, it’s all about whom you can take advantage of.

Think of Eeyore and Tigger. Eeyore is our proverbial nice guy; Tigger is our man of mischief. Eeyore is always downtrodden, sad, and has his home of two sticks constantly knocked down by Tigger, who lives in a big tree house and on his worst day is jubilant. Again, who is better off?

So next time you’re faced with the tough choices in life, think for a moment, which will lead me to a better future? The path of the goody two shoes, Eeyoresque individual? Or the tough, get it done, headstrong, jubilant, Tigger?

Unfortunately for me, I am likely going to be girlfriendless, moneyless and have low job prospects in my future — I just cannot seem to bring myself to abandon my morals. At the end of the day, though, at least I’ll be able to face myself in the mirror.

Res Stecker is a junior international studies major. His columns appear Thursdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.