Note: this article is satirical.
CSU President Tony Frank stood up at a Board of Governors meeting Tuesday and asked to be called ‘The Wizard’ from now on.
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“I don’t think the name Tony demands enough respect,” The Wizard said. “I think I deserve a new, better name. And, I just bought a cape and hat on Amazon, so it just makes sense.”
The Wizard said that anyone who doesn’t call him by his new name will face deadly consequences.
“I mean, I don’t really ask you guys for that much and this is really, really important to me,” The Wizard said. “Also if you don’t do this, I can kill you all with my wand.”
CSU Board of Governors member Dorothy Horrell said that the request seemed reasonable.
“Whatever he wants, I guess,” Horrell said. “I stopped listening to him years ago.”
The Wizard was seen strutting around the Plaza Tuesday in his new cape, asking students what they thought of it.
“I think The Wizard is taking great strides to stand up for magicians on this campus,” said Wiccan Rachel Green. “I support him and his new name.”
The Wizard spent the rest of Tuesday evening standing on the stump, reading spells from a Harry Potter book and pointing at passing students.
“Don’t cross me,” The Wizard said. “I know the Cruciatus Curse now.”
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Collegian News Editor Caitlin Curley wishes you a Happy April Fool’s Day. In real life, she can be reached at news@collegian.com.
