Being a sick college student without your mom: A review

Miranda Moses

Independence is one of the major intrigues of college life.

Curfews are non-existent, you can eat ice cream sandwiches and Uncrustables for every meal and there is no one to police whether or not your room is clean enough to hang out with friends.

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Sick girl leaning over a table and blowing her nose
(Photo Illustration by Colin Shepherd | Collegian)

It’s all fun and games until your immune system realizes it’s gone to college too.

Due to a close proximity of other humans who aren’t nice to their liver, their sleep schedule or overall nutritional intake, you are most likely guaranteed to get sick during your college experience. All the self-confidence that was gained, telling yourself you were the most adultey-adult of all time because you took out the trash twice in one week and cleaned the dishes in the dorm sink, will shatter.

Sickness will make you reevaluate all life decisions made up to this point and it will make you realize how much of a major badass and precious angel your mom is. Even after three years at Colorado State University, getting sick will still cause me to revert to a helpless, pathetic larvae-person with limited capabilities. This includes laying around my apartment pants-less in a blanket, loudly complaining about how I wish my mom was there to take care of me.

To put this in perspective, this is my review of my most recent sickness as a senior in college without my mother’s wonderful presence:

10/10 the most trash time ever, would not recommend to a friend.

The acoustics were poor. Every time I coughed it ricocheted off the apartment walls, and it reminded me that no matter how many dying horse noises I made or how many times I dramatically proclaimed, “This is how I go, this is the end.” No one was coming to rub my back and give me ibuprofen.

The service, which was up to me, was an utter and incompetent disaster. I was too busy curled up into a ball to keep hydrated for a healthy recovery or take myself to a doctor, and partly because going to the doctor alone sucks. The food was atrocious, as all that was within my repertoire of cuisine was microwaved soup and the usual ramen variety, which made for a very sodium-filled time that my mom would certainly not approve of.

Stress, lack of sleep, hygiene issues, and poor food and exercise habits are all factors that can contribute to freshmen illnesses.

The only positive detail associated with this dreadful experience was my Doordash driver, Samantha, who blessed me with a delicious Tropical Smoothie Cafe smoothie. It momentarily soothed my swollen tonsils and made me feel like I wasn’t in my own version of some twisted, mom-less limbo. A shout out to you, Samantha. In my eyes, you adopted me for 10 minutes, and it made all the difference. 

Sickness is an aspect of the college experience that is unfavorable and inevitable but is possible to prevent your future self and those around you from falling victim to the same fate. Wash your hands, cover your mouth and do the awkward thing in the bathroom where you lock the door only using your elbows.

Sick girl with head over toilet
(Photo Illustration by Colin Shepherd | Collegian)

Don’t forget to call your mom, dad, or other guardians who may have put up with your gross, sick existence up until your college life and thank them for being a beautiful piece of human existence.

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We have all different variants of responsibility for ourselves before coming to college, and illness can be a vulnerable and scary time, so remember that Rams take care of Rams but also if your roommate is sick, it might be a perfect time to prank them.

Collegian reporter Miranda Moses can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com or on Twitter @mirandasrad.