The Grand Remonstrance: CSU version

Clarissa Davies and Zara DeGroot

The Grand Remonstrance, for those of you who are unaware, was a formal list of grievances presented to King Charles I by Parliament in 1641 due to Charles’ poor reign as monarch. Just like Parliament, we too have crafted a list of complaints, specifically from this semester, though far less formal. Read along — maybe you will agree.

  1. Classes that are not what they’re cracked up to be are frustrating and oftentimes a drag to go to. These courses are a grievance because they do not focus on the material at hand and are taught by teachers who would rather tell you how to write the perfect thesis statement than delve into the historical characters of the specific time period the course promised.
  2. Parking is a monopoly here at CSU. Where’s a girl to park her horse and buggy, let alone her 2007 Honda Civic? Good riddance, parking services!
  3. There are tons of loitering construction workers on the southern part of campus. We get it, they are building us buildings (ones that we won’t be here to enjoy), but they are everywhere. 
  4. The collars around the campus squirrels’ necks are inhumane and should be removed immediately. How would you like a metal collar poking into your neck as you scavenge for your forest lunch?!
  5. The food trucks are missed. They could have lived harmoniously with the new Lory Student Center lunch room. But no. Our diet is forced to consist of a beefy 5-layer burrito or a bowl of Panda Express that makes us irregular. Help us, Jamie Lee Curtis!
  6. The people who egg on the radical religious protestors are more annoying than the protestors themselves. Arguing with them is exactly what they want. Yeah, they are frustrating, but if you really did not care about the radical nonsense they are yelling, you would ignore them — not circle around and fight with them.
  7. Stay in your lane, bicicletas! Every year, we almost get thrown to the ground by bicycles riding far too close to us. We cannot afford to lose yet another limb. 
  8. IClickers are annoying. Not so much the use of them in the classroom, but the piece of technological plastic itself. They are so easy to lose or forget at home. A better way would be to somehow incorporate iClickers in our iPhones. It would only make sense!
  9. The congested stairways in Eddy have made me late to my Latino Populations class far too many times.
  10. Journalism students, stop bitching about higher level JMC courses. Media Ethics is not bad at all — it is a great course and everyone should jump at the opportunity to take it.
  11. Whenever I eat Subway, the smell of it stays with me all day on my hands and clothes. It follows.
  12. Where has the hype of CSU Confessions gone? Maybe we’re just low on juicy content this semester.
  13. Is it just us, or are there no more quiet areas on campus to relax? All the communal areas seem to be packed. There are too many of us!
  14. The fire in the Kindness Lounge in the LSC does not give off real heat. What a sham! And with winter coming, how unfortunate this is.
  15. The semester has gone by too fast. We have five weeks left … where has the time gone?! It seemed like just yesterday we were jammed into the bookstore picking up our overpriced textbooks and access codes. This week, we are registering for spring classes. 

Overall, this semester has not really been that terrible. We just like to complain — as we fully know the majority of us CSU students like to as well. But, despite our grievances, let’s make the best of the last five weeks, Rams!

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*Disclaimer: this is 50 percent meant as a joke. We are not this negative and annoying in real life. Or are we?

Collegian A&E reporters Zara DeGroot and Clarissa Davies can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.