Ramtalk: Pet Professors

A captive American alligator in a defensive po...
A captive American alligator in a defensive position.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Based on the Ramtalk:

“Brought my cat to class today.”

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CSU is an excellent university with professors delivering creative curriculum and with Tony Frank heading up an innovative administration. Students find that CSU is a great place to learn, grow and explore, but many of them agree that with all of the great things that the school does, classes are still boring.

Most schools have the same boring lecture style — one professor at the front of the class rambling off notes to a herd of students. This causes some students to fall asleep, some bring in laptops and Gameboys to play games and some bring in toys to keep themselves entertained.

Apparently, the lectures have gotten worse. Students have resorted to bringing their pets to class to keep them entertained. They’ve been bringing in cats, dogs, frogs, hamsters and even a baby alligator. The owner of that alligator, freshman zoology major Herman Thompson, said that class is way better when you get to enjoy it with your pet friends.

“Me and Chompy have a good time in class together,” Thompson said. “I used to get really bored in lecture but now I just feed him and watch him walk around.”

Thompson’s baby alligator caused a big stir when it dashed toward a professor in class, nearly biting the professor’s legs off. Thompson has since had to talk to school officials about his pet.

“They told me I can’t bring Chompy into class anymore,” Thompson said. “It wasn’t my fault the teacher assigned a test and Chompy got angry.”

While Thompson’s alligator has been told to stay at home, no other students have had problems with bringing their own pets. Classes are still full of dogs, cats, goldfish and the occasional llama. But, still angered over the alligator incident, professors have come up with a creative way to stop students from bringing in their pets. Geology professor Chad Keyes believes it’s as simple as fighting fire with fire.

“We realized that if pets are keeping the students entertained, than why don’t we just bring in our own pets and have them help teach the lectures?” Keyes asked. “Last week, I brought my golden retriever to class and let him teach the students about plate tectonics. I’ve never seen the students so focused on a lecture before.”

In fact, students are much more attentive in class when a pet professor is teaching, but the reasons have remained unclear. Some believe that confusion is capturing the student’s attention, and some believe that the pet professors are actually great teachers.

“It’s tough having a class where ‘bark, bark’ means ‘due tomorrow’,” Thompson said. “But, I truly believe my new golden retriever teacher is a genius.”

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CSU administrators are not very happy that classes have been infiltrated by pets. They’ve received numerous complaints and have been forced to clean up all the waste from the pets.

In response, both the students and the professors have been told not to bring pets to class anymore, and lectures are projected to get back to their normal boring selves very soon.

Collegian Entertainment Reporter Steven Jacobs can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.