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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Bathroom Break

B-level bathroom: the nerdiest place on earth
B-level bathroom. (Photo credit: quinn.anya)

Based on the Ramtalk:

 

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“That awful moment when you make eye contact with someone between the bathroom stall crack.”

 

In the higher education system, teachers usually don’t mind if students step out of the classroom to use the restroom or make a phone call. It’s not like the old days when we had to ask our teacher for a hall pass. Teachers and students have developed some sort of understanding and trust.

 

This philosophy worked at CSU since its inception in 1870, but teachers are beginning to discover something is going incredibly wrong when students leave to use the restroom. They have often returned to class wearing clothes from the 1800s, donning pirate hats and sporting ancient samurai outfits.

 

Junior medieval castles major, Logaine Wuld, had a brilliant idea to use the bathroom for a science experiment that he hadn’t been able to get working.

 

“Oh, it’s workin’ now,” said Wuld, standing over a toilet holding a jackhammer-like device. “I realized that when you’re making a time machine, the only way to get enough thrust for the transwarp beaming is by finding a vortex with enough cylindrical momentum.”

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Students have occasionally stumbled upon Wuld’s time machine, located in a bathroom tucked far away in the physics building. Some have used it to travel to prehistoric times and some used it to go back to the ‘60s, but they always come back to a very curious professor.

 

“I want to know what’s going on here,” said Tessah Riki-Rawce, quantum physics professor. “I was in the bathroom one afternoon and I ran out of toilet paper. When I asked the person in the stall next to me for a few squares, they handed me a flux capacitor.”

 

Teachers have threatened that if any more students return to class looking like they were in another time period, they’ll stop allowing students to leave the room, returning us to the days of grade school bathroom breaks. It seems like the hall pass found a way through the time machine to come get us again.

 

 Collegian Entertainment Reporter Steven Jacobs can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com. 

 

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