Out with the old, in with the booze

Based on the 10/11 RamTalk – I read about all these awesome people planning to change the world…and I’m just planning to get drunk. Priorities matter.

The mind of a college kid is an interesting and expansive entity that is packed with useful knowledge. However, some ingenious students have developed a flushing mechanism to clear their minds at the end of each week. This method of information destruction is known as “drinking until you can’t feel your face,” and students seem to have taken to it.


This information filtering technique was developed in ancient Siberia and is just now being studied by the most prestigious professors across campus. Many of these studies have ended with the release of the bladder or stomach and have had to be postponed. While the full effects of “drinking until you can’t feel your face” aren’t yet documented, studies have shown that participants completely forget that the last week of classes ever occurred.

Junior parallelogram major Brendon Lename is a strong advocate of this new flushing mechanism.

“Brain cells are like antelope,” Lename slurred, “and alcohol is the lion. The lions only catch the weak antelope … or deer … or whatever I said earlier. It’s totally healthy.”

Sophomore lily pad studies major Mike Portor wasn’t so hot on the idea when he woke up the next day.

“My head feels like it’s full of about ten pounds of lima beans,” Portor groaned. “I could have changed the world, but I drank instead. Not chill, bro. Supes unchill.”

In the wicked, wet, wild world of college, students need something to take their mind off of school stress and deadlines. It needs to be something that will get rid of old information and make room for the new. Booze, we welcome thee with wide smiles and open arms.

Entertainment Writer Davis English can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.