The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
African American female student studying from home during lockdown
Pediatric NP Online Programs: Alleviating Gaps in Colorado's Healthcare System
April 10, 2024

In Colorado's intricate healthcare sector, the provision of specialized care to its pediatric population remains a challenge. Pediatric Nurse...

Out with the old, in with the booze

Based on the 10/11 RamTalk – I read about all these awesome people planning to change the world…and I’m just planning to get drunk. Priorities matter.

The mind of a college kid is an interesting and expansive entity that is packed with useful knowledge. However, some ingenious students have developed a flushing mechanism to clear their minds at the end of each week. This method of information destruction is known as “drinking until you can’t feel your face,” and students seem to have taken to it.

Ad

This information filtering technique was developed in ancient Siberia and is just now being studied by the most prestigious professors across campus. Many of these studies have ended with the release of the bladder or stomach and have had to be postponed. While the full effects of “drinking until you can’t feel your face” aren’t yet documented, studies have shown that participants completely forget that the last week of classes ever occurred.

Junior parallelogram major Brendon Lename is a strong advocate of this new flushing mechanism.

“Brain cells are like antelope,” Lename slurred, “and alcohol is the lion. The lions only catch the weak antelope … or deer … or whatever I said earlier. It’s totally healthy.”

Sophomore lily pad studies major Mike Portor wasn’t so hot on the idea when he woke up the next day.

“My head feels like it’s full of about ten pounds of lima beans,” Portor groaned. “I could have changed the world, but I drank instead. Not chill, bro. Supes unchill.”

In the wicked, wet, wild world of college, students need something to take their mind off of school stress and deadlines. It needs to be something that will get rid of old information and make room for the new. Booze, we welcome thee with wide smiles and open arms.

Entertainment Writer Davis English can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *