Based on the 11/30 Ramtalk — “I put on fresh chapstick and suddenly, my lips are a bug trap… Mother nature must be trolling me.”

The Biological Sciences and Pest Control department at Colorado State University has recently made a scientific breakthrough rivaling the first functional robotic dog.

For years, insect enthusiasts and pest control agencies have been searching for a new compound that can be used to trap and immobilize insects. Researchers tried compounds such as wood varnish (which killed the insects) and industrial strength glues (which got the insects really high). For decades, nothing worked until an intelligent and hairy entomologist experienced a breakthrough.

CSU professor Adumb Mantel, a specialist in the field of insects and an entrepreneur in the field of tiny leather goods, came across his astounding discovery while driving his Danish-made Vespa back from the Carmex convention.

“Yeah, I had just picked up the new Carmex Slippery Goo when my lips began to feel chapped,” Mantel said. “This being the case, I obviously applied the Carmex to my dry lips.”

What happened next would go down in history — the Carmex began attracting insects and other small arthropods. The six-legged creatures became stuck to Mantel’s lips without a hope for escape. He had created the trap, and bug lovers everywhere rejoiced.

Local insect collector Jayke Adoms was ecstatic about the discovery.

“Finally I can rid myself of this bulky collecting net,” Adoms said. “The new Carmex bug trap is exactly what I was looking for. And I get to kiss bugs. Win-win? That’s a yes!”

The new lip balms work by luring the bugs in with a sweet compound known as supersweetstuff found only in lip moisturizers and keeping them there with a sticky compound known as glueorsomething. This discovery is monumental to say the least, and the lip balm industry is reaping great benefits.

It is estimated that insect collecting will increase by over 300 percent in the next five years, and Carmex has even begun producing honey and jam flavored lip balms to increase the effectiveness of the bug trap balms.

To purchase Carmex Bugs Be Trippin’ Bug Trappin’ Lip Balm, a person can visit their local lip balm retailer or order online.