The sweaty truth about fashion

By Davis English
English: A man exhibits the effects of perspir...
English: A man exhibits the effects of perspiration following exerting physical activity at a celidh. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This fictional column is based on the Ramtalk, “Are backpack sweat lines a fashion now?” which originally appeared in the Aug. 31 Collegian.

In his newest stunt to draw attention, major fashion designer Matthieu LeBomberd has decided to incorporate bodily fluids – namely sweat – into his most recent collection.  The outcome is extraordinary, but it leaves people asking, “Has he gone too far?”

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Matthieu claims that he picked the ideas for his newest collection from the average daily life of a college student. “You know, le summer can be extraordinarily hot, and I would just like for le students to be le comfortable in zeir own skin,” he argues. “Ze average college student has far more to le worry about zan le appearance.”

The collection, which has been featured in countless outlets worldwide, consists of clothing with sweat lines being the standout feature.

A pant and shirt combination, which incorporates the look of sweat that one may excrete from wearing a fanny pack on a hot day of classes, is a fabulous item. There are sizes for men, women and even infants, which allows everyone to sweat freely and without consequence.

For this reason, the new dress phenomenon has been coined the “Please Your Pores Movement” by supporters. The item in the collection with the most success is a simple sage green t-shirt with backpack sweat lines on it. These sweat lines go around the arm straps as well as unevenly down the back. The item is incredibly realistic.

Although the newest collection by LeBomberd may seem a bit racy to some, the college students have flocked to it with admiration and relief. Colorado State sophomore Nic Bewzen says, “Before the new Please Your Pores Movement, I was just a sweaty kid who was easily recognizable. Now I blend right in!”

The new fashion is truly sweat lines – especially those that may be caused by wearing a backpack all day. Matthieu LeBomberd has really outdone himself this time.  For all of you doubters and non-believers: remember parachute pants? I rest my case.