The Plaza leading up to the Lory Student Center is almost always filled with chalk messages. The constant barrage of ephemeral advertising from religious organizations, student groups, and various political campaigns makes it hard to notice any of the chalk messages in particular, since there's just so damn many of them.
If you’re anything more than a cold-blooded sociopath, you likely have some sort of pet living with you. Some of you might be lucky enough to live in a place that is welcoming to your animal companion. (Be honest, does it help pay the rent? Mine is a freeloader.)
Early last week I finally reached full-immunity against the original COVID-19 strain, and you can’t even imagine how excited I was. I have been researching everything there is to know about this virus on 4chan, and the knowledge that I could now fight it inside my body was game-changing.
Colorado State University's administration prides itself on its ability to listen to its students. Which is why when students began calling for the University to renovate the Clark building, fix the cracked brick sidewalks on the plaza and install air conditioning into the University's dorms, CSU decided to roll up its sleeves and put its construction team to work.
Classes are back in person and students are finally roaming the campus again. This return to in-person activities means that we can finally go back to dry humping each other in hot, dimly lit, poorly cleaned, musty frat basements again.
Every fall, the Colorado State University campus undergoes a familiar annual routine. The freshmen fill the dorms, the Clark Building becomes even more dilapidated and, most importantly, tabling returns to The Plaza.
For the past several weeks, The Unprecedented Times investigated dramatic drug busts and cover-ups connected to Northern Colorado’s endless proliferation of mattress stores. Now, thanks to the contribution...
Students on Colorado State University’s campus are noticing that their beloved CAM the Ram has been looking a bit different lately.
While in past semesters CAM appeared in Ram form, this semester...
In the times of the COVID-19 pineapple, all we have left is chaos. Instead of trying to grasp the passage of time or make sense of the utter insanity, it’s better to just give into the fact that...
After a push to have all members of the Colorado State University community get weekly COVID-19 tests, the University announced that 463 geese tested positive for COVID-19.
"Well, we knew we'd see...
The Associated Students of Colorado State University elections, which will now be held biweekly because there just aren’t enough, will be seeing a drastic shift this year. 15 of the 25 candidates...
Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the...
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