Seriously: CSU to add multiple roundabouts across campus

Dylan Tusinski

Graphic of a silhouetted head with raised eyebrows with text that says "Seriously by the Collegian"
(Graphic illustration by Colin Crawford | The Collegian)

Editor’s Note:  This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Colorado State University’s administration prides itself on its ability to listen to its students — which is why when students called for renovations to the Clark Building, fixes to the cracked brick sidewalks on The Plaza and air conditioning installation in all the dorms, CSU rolled up its sleeves and put its construction team to work. They built a roundabout for bikes that absolutely nobody asked for next to the Lory Student Center.

Ad

The traffic circle greeted pedestrians, bikers and skateboarders alike as they returned to campus this semester. While the idea seemed like it’d be beneficial at first, many students quickly became annoyed with the traffic circle as bikers were forced to slam on their brakes, skateboarders were flung from their boards and earbud-wearing pedestrians wandered into the center of the bike lane, oblivious to the chaos around them.

As it turns out, that was exactly what University officials wanted, and CSU now plans to implement several more roundabouts on campus.

“A lot of students thought that we wanted to reduce congestion at that spot next to the LSC,” said Rowan Flinn, a ranking member of Students Helping Instigate Traffic Solutions. “That really couldn’t be further from the truth.”

The roundabouts are just a continuation of a long-standing Colorado State tradition: spending student fees on unnecessary changes that don’t really add anything to the student experience.”

The group was put together by the University to plan the roundabouts, study where the worst places for them would be and examine how much they would annoy students. The group has since advised the University to construct a number of new traffic circles at inopportune areas, including the middle of The Plaza, the road in front of Canvas Stadium and in the middle of The Oval.

An infographic detailing the proposed locations of three new roundabouts on campus. (Graphic Illustration by Dylan Tusinkskit | The Collegian)

“Colorado State is more than receptive to feedback from students,” said Lily Powell, another member of Students Helping Instigate Traffic Solutions. “We heard students’ complaints about the intersection between the (Lory Student Center) and Morgan Library, so we took action to make it worse.”

“After hearing even more student feedback regarding how awful the first roundabout is, we know we’ve done a good job,” Powell said. “We can’t wait to introduce three more roundabouts on campus.”

Powell also noted that the group recommended the University hold off on starting construction until a week or two before finals to add insult to the students’ injury.

Flinn concluded by noting the roundabouts are just a continuation of a long-standing Colorado State tradition: spending student fees on unnecessary changes that don’t really add anything to the student experience. Between Canvas Stadium, the renovation of The Lagoon and now the traffic circles, Flinn was proud that the Students Helping Instigate Traffic Solutions helped inconvenience yet another class of CSU students.

Dylan Tusinski can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @unwashedtiedye.