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Horoscopes April 1st, 2025

Starry Moon, Staff Reporter • April 1, 2025

For the first time ever, the Sun has gone retrograde along with the Earth and sixty-nine of Jupiter's moons. What does this mean for you? You should panic– like a lot. Tell everybody that the things...

bitches chart

April Fools’: How many bitches could a CSU major pull if majors pulled bitches?

Catholic Abortion and Cosmic Misfortune • April 1, 2025

Editor's Note: This is a satire for April Fools' Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor's notes are subject to...

April Fools': Elon Musk buys NIL rights of CSU student-athletes, effective immediately

April Fools’: Elon Musk buys NIL rights of CSU student-athletes, effective immediately

Sparkling Whimsy, Sports Editor • April 1, 2025

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools': Student expelled after RA discovers kidnapped pet Grubhub robot in dorm

April Fools’: Student expelled after RA discovers kidnapped pet Grubhub robot in dorm

Catholic Abortion, Collegina’s Anton Ego • April 1, 2025

Editor's Note: this is a satire for April Fools' Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor's notes are subject to...

April Fools': CAM the Ram diverts 2024 YR4 asteroid, avoiding Fort Collins collision

April Fools’: CAM the Ram diverts 2024 YR4 asteroid, avoiding Fort Collins collision

Kat Fish • April 1, 2025

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools': 5 baby names that may really lean into your executive order preferences

April Fools’: 5 baby names that may really lean into your executive order preferences

Detectivo Liberal, Onomatology Detective • April 1, 2025
The challenge of figuring out what to name your child in our current political environment is a tough feat. But no matter the challenge, there is always going to be an opportunity for you to name your child after the over 90 executive orders that President Donald Trump has signed so far this year. Here are some of the top picks that should really tickle your fancy.
April Fools': The Collegina chosen to replace AP in White House press corps, coverage changes promised

April Fools’: The Collegina chosen to replace AP in White House press corps, coverage changes promised

Ham Slutton, Nonsense Senator • April 1, 2025

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

Photo illustration of CAM the Ram in RamJail.

April Fools’: ASCSU implements RamJail as new principle of community

Autism Memory, Nonsense Senator • April 1, 2025

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools': CSU condones dueling on campus to settle student disputes

April Fools’: CSU condones dueling on campus to settle student disputes

Astronomically Stressed, Headache in Chief • April 1, 2025

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not...

April Fools': CSU prepares to say goodbye to Amy Parsons, hello to Slim Blondee

April Fools’: CSU prepares to say goodbye to Amy Parsons, hello to Slim Blondee

Rizzle Cigcrust, Farts and enter-painment editor • April 1, 2025

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

April Fools': LeBron James joins CSU men's basketball

April Fools’: LeBron James joins CSU men’s basketball

Mark Fischer, Staff Reporter • April 1, 2025

LeBron James shocked the world with his recent commitment to Colorado State men's basketball. Bryce James, who is currently a senior in high school, recently announced his intent to play for the Rams....

(Updated) DeSalvo Meme

April Fools’: Nick DeSalvo cloning scandal unearthed in chem research building

Cosmic Misfortune, Photo Director • April 1, 2025

A secret cloning facility underneath Colorado State University’s Chemistry Research Building was discovered by university staff March 31. With it, evidence of an experiment on Associated Students of...

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