Look, let’s be real — life is hard. Student loans? Sky-high. Job market? Bleak. The constant existential dread of figuring out what you’re doing with your life? Ever-present. We are certainly not...

Editor's Note: This is a satire for April Fools' Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor's notes are subject to...

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

Editor's Note: this is a satire for April Fools' Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor's notes are subject to...

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not...

Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject...

LeBron James shocked the world with his recent commitment to Colorado State men's basketball. Bryce James, who is currently a senior in high school, recently announced his intent to play for the Rams....

A secret cloning facility underneath Colorado State University’s Chemistry Research Building was discovered by university staff March 31. With it, evidence of an experiment on Associated Students of...