Seriously: Student opts for women to solve his problems over therapist

Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick

Bailey Williams, a junior CSU student majoring in psychology, has decided, yet again, to ask a local women to solve his problems instead of going to a licensed therapist.

Last night at the bars, Williams found himself leading on several women in his friend group, according to several sources. He had no intentions of hitting on them, or even asking questions about their lives, he just wanted attention.

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“He does this from time to time,” Lisa Addelson, a member of Williams’ friend group, said. “He’ll ask if I want to hang out on the pretense of  ‘catching up’ and ‘being great friends,’ but then he just talks about his problems for hours.”

Williams will use up any woman’s free time with his issues, but he particularly enjoys Addelson. He claims “women are really emotional, so it’s nice to talk to them.”

“I’m not sure why he thinks I’m emotional, he literally knows nothing about me,” said Addelson in response to William’s comments. “I mean, it is true that I am a woman.”

On top of wondering why Williams has chosen her, Addelson wonders how to get out.

“I know I should probably stop trying to help, because honestly it’s exhausting, but I keep hoping that maybe one day he’ll get better and he’ll ask me how I’m doing,” Addelson said.

Addelson’s friends do not foresee changes happening anytime soon.

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended. 

Collegian Managing Editor Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick can be reached at managingeditor@collegian.com or on Twitter @tatianasophiapt.