The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

Print Edition
Letter to the editor submissions
Have a strong opinion about something happening on campus or in Fort Collins? Want to respond to an article written on The Collegian? Write a Letter to the Editor by following the guidelines here.
Follow Us on Twitter
Lando Norris in Miami. Accident win or the birth of a new star?
May 17, 2024

  On May 5, 2024, an essential event for Formula 1 occurred in Miami. One of the favorites of the world public, the Briton Lando...

Seriously: The aftermath of Nikki Haley suspending presidential campaign

Seriously%3A+The+aftermath+of+Nikki+Haley+suspending+presidential+campaign
Collegian | Alyson Serio

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

It was a typical Wednesday morning — or so I thought. I walked out of my room to broken coffee mugs shattered all over the floor, and none of my roommates were in sight.

Ad

“Typical roommates,” I thought, and I threw on my dinosaur slippers to start making my morning cup of Joe.

Once I finished adding my creamer and milk, I sat down and opened my phone to check the news. All of a sudden, I dropped my Joe and jaw to the floor — I understood now why my roommates were nowhere to be found.

“Nikki Haley suspends presidential campaign.” I stared at the headline until it didn’t look like English anymore. Running to my balcony, I saw my entire apartment complex in chaotic disarray, everyone running around screaming like the world was over. Well, except one of those annoying Collegian reporters trying to get pictures of the suffering.

The Collegian reporter in question was me, interviewing students around my apartment complex in slippers, Paw Patrol sweatpants and a SpongeBob SquarePants tank top. I find this outfit is what I am able to think best in.

“I mean, who could have expected this?” said Jara Dakota, my next-door neighbor. “Nothing could have prepared me for this news today, and I don’t know how to go on.”

March 6, 2024, will go down in infamy, just as the January 6, 2021, did.

“She went viral in December trying to argue the primary reason for the Civil War was not slavery.” –Tori Ghills, political science professor

“It’s not like there were clear signs,” Republican voter Dean Philips said. “I thought Vermont and D.C. were more than enough delegates — the threshold is simply too high.”

Haley, who had been trailing Donald Trump in delegates, stood as his only opposition left in the race. Many were hopeful that Haley would be able to make a comeback during Super Tuesday and close the gap between her and Trump on delegates.

“Close the gap?” Dakota said. “I don’t know, it just feels like Trump was going to be the GOP nominee all along or something.”

Ad

In shock that Haley actually did finally suspend her campaign and letting it settle in that Trump would be the nominee for the Republican Party, Dakota broke down crying.

“I think it just hadn’t occurred to me that it would seriously be another Trump versus Joe Biden election,” Philips said. “We’re acting like Marianne Williamson dropping out also wasn’t a surprise!”

Many moderate Republicans and independents had counted on Haley being a less controversial pick to go against Biden in November.

“I am not super sure why the general public seems to think this,” said Tori Ghills, a professor of political science at Colorado State University. “She went viral in December trying to argue the primary reason for the Civil War was not slavery.”

Many were surprised to hear about these comments from Haley.

Take care of yourselves and stay safe out there, Haley and Williamson stans. It can be hard to accept what was going to happen all along. If you are experiencing denial, please consult your best friend for a wake-up call.

Reach Caden Proulx at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @CSUCollegian.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover
About the Contributor
Caden Proulx
Caden Proulx, Print Director
Caden Proulx is a human development and family studies student at Colorado State University pursuing his passion for graphic design at The Collegian. Originally from Austin, Texas, Caden's journalistic journey began in the high school yearbook department, where his passion for design grew. This led to him to seek out student media when he got to Colorado State University. Starting as a page designer in his first year, Caden found a home at The Collegian. This led him to the position of print director his sophomore year. Despite majoring in HDFS, Caden seamlessly integrates his hobby of graphic design with his academic pursuits. The Collegian has become an integral part of his success at CSU. Now firmly rooted in Colorado, Caden is eager to contribute to the student media landscape, The Collegian and its success. He loves working alongside other excited students who are talented and have a lot to teach and push him to continue to grow as a visual journalist.

Comments (0)

When commenting on The Collegian’s website, please be respectful of others and their viewpoints. The Collegian reviews all comments and reserves the right to reject comments from the website. Comments including any of the following will not be accepted. 1. No language attacking a protected group, including slurs or other profane language directed at a person’s race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, social class, age, physical or mental disability, ethnicity or nationality. 2. No factually inaccurate information, including misleading statements or incorrect data. 3. No abusive language or harassment of Collegian writers, editors or other commenters. 4. No threatening language that includes but is not limited to language inciting violence against an individual or group of people. 5. No links.
All The Rocky Mountain Collegian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *