Dear readers, 

The wool has been pulled over society’s eyes for too long, and we’ve had enough of it. The truth is out there, and you deserve to know what it is. That’s why we changed our name to The Wake Up Slap. The revolution has begun.

In this modern age of misinformation, disinformation and regular, honest, accurate information that seems to be buried on the third Google search page or propagated by radical idealists on the deep web, we at The Wake Up Slap are taking a new approach to keeping society woke.

We are sharing the stories that the government has wanted to keep under wraps for decades. We are reporting on the issues that keep the underground lizard-humanoid world running. We are asking you to wake up, sheeple. Stop following your fake leaders blindly into an abyss of well-informed decisions and an educated electorate. Open your eyes, and see what the light of truth has to behold. 

For far too long now, our society has been run by career politician crooks who seek to become tenure-track faculty, corporations who pay way too much money for the naming rights on some Godforsaken stadium that we all subsidized with our student fees and, of course, the crooked centrist media that only wants you to believe the objective truth of the world around you, not some third-rate story that lines up with your personal beliefs. 

This has gone on long enough. It’s time for the information revolution to begin, and we are leading the charge. 

I’m not talking about the “information” and “truth” that you have learned from a professor holding a doctorate in their respective field or what you read about in a reputable news publication that has independent, verifiable and accountable reporting. That’s exactly what we like to call “total bullsh*t” here at The Wake Up Slap. 

Our information revolution is bringing the real truth into the spotlight. We are bringing you the news, the facts, the data and the TRUTH that has been hidden on the dark web, under tinfoil hats and talked about in hushed voices in the dark corners of seedy bars and tarot shops for far too long.

We are going to be publishing stories that will open everyone’s eyes today. It’s time to tell you the truth. It’s time to tell you the REAL truth about the world. So wake up, sheeple, and smell the truth. It smells amazing. 

Sincerely, 

Forrest Czarnecki

Editor-in-Chief, The Wake Up Slap

Forrest Czarnecki can be reached at editor@collegian.com or on Twitter @forrestczar.