Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

With Valentine’s Day coming up, many people want to think of a unique gift to give to their significant other. Further, college students may not be able to afford traditional Valentine’s Day gifts such as jewelry, fancy dinners or flower arrangements. If you’re in need of a unique cost-efficient gift to give, look no further.

1. Pay their roommate to leave the dorm

For freshman, it can be difficult to get alone time with your significant other. This Valentine’s Day, it might be a good idea to bribe your roommate to leave the room. Offer them $15 to leave for a few hours, and if you really want to splurge, offer them $30 to leave for the night.

If you don’t feel like this is financially feasible for you, try offering to buy them anything they want from any of the express dining halls. Hopefully, they will find these offers fair, and you will be able to offer this unique, thoughtful gift to your partner.

2. Finally define the relationship

This gift is perfect for all the frat boys who are absolutely terrified of commitment. Chads and Brads, chances are you have been hooking up with a girl, consistently spending time with her and treating her like a priority. After about six months of this, you have decided it’s time to tell her you are not looking for anything serious because you are the worst type of person.

If this sounds like your situation, let her finally call you her boyfriend this Valentine’s Day. If you don’t feel like that’s right for you, that you don’t want to commit to the girl who has introduced you to her family and quietly said “I love you” at least three times while you’ve pretended to not hear her, finally just end things altogether so that she can move onto someone a lot better than you.

3. Swipe them in at the dining hall

If you cannot afford a nice, romantic evening out at a restaurant in Old Town, the dining hall works just as well. Not only does the dining hall provide a lot of great food options, but if you are dating someone who lives off campus, this will likely be their first real meal in weeks.

You can even bring your own candle and tablecloth to be that annoying couple that acts like that on Valentine’s Day. You cannot go wrong with this inexpensive, convenient gift.

4. Send them a solicited nude

Guys, have you ever sent an unsolicited picture of your d*ck to a female friend or even your girlfriend? Maybe you were met with anger or were even blocked.

This Valentine’s Day, actually ask for consent to send nudes. Most women will genuinely appreciate this because rarely do they ever get the chance to actually say yes or no to a d*ck pic.

Even if she says no, the fact that you asked is a sign of respect and decency, making it the perfect gift to give this Valentine’s Day. 

College students may not be able to afford traditional Valentine’s Day gifts such as jewelry, fancy dinners or flower arrangements.”

5. Buy her some Colorado State University jewelry

Can’t afford diamonds this Valentine’s Day? No worries, the CSU Bookstore has got you covered. The CSU Bookstore offers a great variety of earrings, necklaces and bracelets for a reasonable price. If your partner has been hinting that they would like a nice pair of diamonds, CSU themed jewelry is the perfect alternative.

Your partner can showcase their school spirit and their relationship at the same time. No need to splurge on something your partner actually wants when the Bookstore is offering something as great as earrings with the CSU logo on it.

Katrina Leibee can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @KatrinaLeibee.