Seriously: 5 ways to be a great student and classmate

Kenia Ortiz

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

The spring 2020 semester is on to the second week of classes, which means getting back into the flow of doing homework, waking up for class, going to work and meeting project deadlines.


For some, this is their last semester in college. For others, it is their first. As students, we spend the majority of our time in classrooms — therefore, it is important to be the best classmate and student we can be.

Below are five to-dos in the classroom that benefit you and those around you.

1. Always talk while the professor is talking

Professors might not tell you this, but they absolutely adore it when students talk over them during lectures.

“When a student talks while I’m talking, I just feel empowered,” said Jody Jules, a history professor at Colorado State University. “When I look up and see my students talking to one another or hear their voices over mine, I am reassured that I am making a change.”

Fellow classmates also find it productive to their learning when they hear others talking in class.

“I was in my organic chemistry class, and two girls behind me were talking about the party their sorority threw, the cute outfits they wore and how Brittney was totally jealous that Brad talked to Rachel instead of her,” said Monica Harolds, a third-year student. “Hearing their story, which is a story for the ages, is definitely why I pay thousands of dollars to be here.”

2. Make sure to teach the class yourself

Even better than talking over professors is when students teach the class themselves. Both students and professors feel a sense of pride when a student feels the need to fill the space with their uninvited and unneeded opinion.

“There is one student in my English class who always takes up 30 minutes of our class,” said Michelle Tia, a second-year student. “The professor asks one question, and suddenly the lesson plan is out the window because my classmate decides she knows better. Like, screw the professor’s diploma, right?”

If you do any or all of these things, the CSU community wants to thank you for your service and your time.”

3. Watch porn during class

There is nothing better than coming to class and having the person sitting near you watching porn. No one finds it remotely distracting, uncomfortable or inappropriate.

Classmates love to see it. Professors love to see it. We all love to see it.


4. Constantly play devil’s advocate

There is no one professors and students love more than that one kid in class who is constantly playing devil’s advocate.

“I learn so much in class when Chad constantly plays devil’s advocate,” said Fransisco Banderas, a fifth-year student. “I especially love it when he argues that people don’t see color, that women and the LGBTQ+ community are treated with unwavering respect and that people can be racist toward white people. I am learning so much because of him.”

5. Sit in someone else’s unassigned-assigned seat

There is nothing students love more than when they walk into class and see someone else’s cheeks in their unassigned-assigned seat.

“I went to class last semester and saw that the seat I had been sitting in for months was taken from me, and it warmed my heart so much that I just wanted to flip them out of my desk,” said Jerry Young, a fourth-year student.

If you do any or all of these things, the CSU community wants to thank you for your service and your time.

We seriously could not thrive without your contribution.

Kenia Ortiz can be reached at or on Twitter @Kenia_Ortiz_.