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Seriously: 5 extremely last-minute Halloween costumes

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Sometimes, life happens and your original Halloween costume doesn’t work out, or you just got a last-minute invite to a costume party, leaving you scrambling to throw together a get-up.

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If you find yourself in that boat, here are five costumes you can throw together super last minute that may get a few laughs.

Sexy dining hall employee

Chances are, somebody that you know, or maybe even you, spent many hours of their life they’ll never get back working for Colorado State University Housing and Dining Services. It should not be too hard to get hold of one of the dark green shirts with the ram logo that makes up the uniform.

Once you have it, go crazy with a pair of scissors until it exposes a significant amount of skin. Throw it on with a pair of black pants and voila — you are a sexy dining hall employee.

Ram Welcome leader

A CSU shirt, preferably a polo tee, with khaki shorts, a pair of Chacos and a clipboard are all you need to transform yourself into a Ram Welcome leader. Be sure to pull the shorts as high up your body as possible without irritating your crotch to really nail the look.

If you want to go the extra mile, maybe carry around a Hydro Flask and act as annoyingly peppy as possible throughout the night.

EBoy

Assuming you own at least two articles of black clothing, a beanie and a black marker, dressing up as an eBoy will be an easy look. For those not up to speed with modern day lingo, an eBoy is “a boy who has black painted nails, skates, wears black clothes and chains and beanies, and they sometimes have their hair parted down the middle, and they’re usually really pale.”

Make sure to tuck your shirt of choice into the pants, perhaps adding a long sleeve under a short sleeve as well. Complete the costume by giving yourself some baggy looking eyes with the black marker. Add a face tat and some chains to go the extra mile.

Disappointment

Of all the costumes on this list, this requires the least amount of effort. Simply print out a list of the results of all CSU football games thus far and tape it to the front of your shirt. That’s it. Any time somebody asks what you’re dressed up as, point to the paper and say “a disappointment.”

Buzz Light Beer

Buzz Lightyear costumes have been a staple for kids for years, so they should be relatively easy to find at any thrift store. Once you have the space ranger threads, just write “Buzz Light Beer” on a plain white T-shirt with a marker, and there’s your costume. Be sure to have a light beer from a brand of your choice in your hand as well.

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Satirical writer Ethan Vassar can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @ethan_vassar.  

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