Editor’s Note: The views expressed in the following column are those of the writer only and do not necessarily represent the views of The Collegian or its editorial board. This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
While having sex in public can have some heavy legal penalties, that isn’t going to stop everyone from doing it. Having sex in public can be such a turn on, mostly for the sheer reason of possibly getting caught.
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Colorado State University offers some pretty discreet and ideal spots for getting the deed done with your partner on campus.
Gender-neutral bathrooms
Any of the gender-neutral bathrooms offer not only a more spacious area, but a room with a lock that is not directly next to another stall. However, the biology building gender-neutral bathrooms are top-notch. Some are even equipped with a full shower if you and your partner want to get extra freaky or take a quick rinse afterward.
The gender-neutral bathrooms are also kept in pristine conditions. The bathrooms can be a good spot to sneak off between classes as long as you don’t mind the toilet staring at you.
In a hammock on The Oval
Get yourself an extra-large hammock and set that baby up in The Oval. The Oval is a great spot to escape to on campus, as its large trees create shadows to hide away under, and they give the brief feeling of being off in the woods instead of in the middle of a city.
Tons of people love to stroll The Oval, giving an extra boost of excitement from possibly being discovered.
KCSU sound booth
Gaining access to the sound booth may require pulling some strings and calling some connections, but it can be worth the hassle. Aside from the giant window, which could be easily covered with a tapestry or some blinds, the sound booth has one special quality for making it an ideal spot: it’s soundproof.
KCSU’s sound booth was created to be soundproof so there would be no noise interfering with broadcasting. Another perk of utilizing the sound booth is the easy access to unlimited music and great stereo systems since music and sex practically go hand in hand.
The IM fields
At night, the IM fields are the perfect place to get down and dirty. Yes, laying out a warm fuzzy blanket under the stars in the middle of the intramural fields can be romantic. If you’re hidden under the blanket of blackness created way out in the middle of the fields, it’s also a nice spot to get shaggy.
You can hear the people walking by and maybe even believe that they can see you, but as long as you’re in a dark patch deep in the fields, you’re probably alright.
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The end zone of the stadium
In honor of CSU’s football team, having sex in the end zone of Canvas Stadium would be doing everyone a favor. By accomplishing this, at least someone from CSU scores a touchdown.
Before you graduate, maybe you and your partner will take the risks and test out some of these spots. Be warned though, if you do get caught, you can face penalties from both CSU and CSU Police Department.
Shay Rego can be reached at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @shay_rego.
