Seriously: Rocky Mountain Showdown to be renamed

Ethan Vassar

Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

FORT COLLINS — This may be the last year that the gridiron battle between the two most popular colleges for kids from California — Colorado State University and the University of Colorado Boulder — goes by the Rocky Mountain Showdown. A proposal to rename the football game is currently under review by Colorado’s board of NCAA directors. If approved, the rivalry between Colorado’s two biggest schools could be known by a much different name as early as next year.

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The idea to rename the rivalry game was proposed by CSU liberal arts professor Patricia Connors. The idea of a name change came to Connors after being bombarded with emails and social media posts from CSU fans about this being the last year they will get their ass handed to them by CU’s football team. With the game moving to new turf, Connors believed it’s the perfect time to change the name of the match up to something less, as she believes, offensive.

“All three words — trigger warning for saying each — rocky, mountain and showdown, are offensive or impudent in some way,” Connors explained.

Connors finds it unacceptable that such a big event, especially one involving a liberal minded institution like CSU, could continue to go by such an insulting name. For those who don’t see it her way, Connors offered explanations as to why each word is as offensive as it is.

The Collegian implores you, the reader, to send suggestions to rename the Rocky Mountain Showdown.

“’Rocky’ can be an offensive term when describing mountains. You wouldn’t call a person who is weightily challenged fat, so why would you call a mountain rocky?”

After demanding an answer to what seemed like a rhetorical question, Connors moved on to explaining the issues with mountain and showdown.

“The word ‘mountain’ could be offensive to those who have went through, know someone or have been in the same room as someone who has experienced a mountain climbing accident,” Connors said. “And ‘showdown’ is just too violent of a word to use in today’s society.”

Connors followed up this statement with another question that seemed rhetorical, yet she demanded an answer to it.

“What kind of world are we teaching our children to grow up in if we are referring to sports with such vicious and brutal words such as ‘showdown?’” she asked.

Connors has not offered any new names for the football game if her proposal is approved by Colorado’s governing board of NCAA directors. She believes it may be impossible to find any words that aren’t offensive to any group or object that also could accurately describe the game. If that is the case, CSU may never play CU in a football game ever again.

The Collegian implores you, the reader, to send suggestions to rename the Rocky Mountain Showdown. 

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Satirical writer Ethan Vassar can be reached at letters@collegian.com or online @ethan_vassar.