Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Fort Collins, CO – The Rocky Mountain Collegian, Colorado State University’s independently student-run newspaper, claims to be the voice of students on campus. Not all people at CSU, however, appreciate the newspaper, and they’re not shy about saying as much.

“I’m not afraid to share my opinion,” ‘Cam Smith’ said, using a pseudonym to remain anonymous. “And my opinion is that it sucks.”

The Collegian publishes articles Monday through Friday geared towards the CSU population and aims to disseminate information about campus and local events. Some, however, are not satisfied. Several readers, Smith included, expressed disdain for the newspaper, claiming it to be biased and of poor quality.

“It’s almost like the journalists are like, students who are still learning,” Smith said. 

“Listen, if I’m going to make the effort to unfold a free newspaper, it better be worth my time,” Smith said. “I mean, it’s honestly irresponsible to publish all these articles and opinions that nobody asked for. And I think commenting on their public social media page is the best way to get that opinion across.” 

Smith, self-identifying as The Collegian‘s biggest anti-fan, assured us that he should be considered an authority on the subject since he makes sure to read the paper on a daily basis. He went on to say that the paper is hardly worth reading, let alone worth responding to.

“That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to read every single article and respond to everything I don’t agree with,” Smith explained. “Someone has to make sure those journalists know that we readers are sick of them pushing their agendas on us.”

Smith is not alone in his opinion. Many students and faculty have voiced their disdain for CSU’s paper. Even President Tony Frank disapproves of The Collegian, stating many times that The Collegian has given him many paper cuts, and the crosswords are too hard. 

In an interview, Frank explained that he takes particular issue with the Opinion columnists.

“The columnists are obviously biased,” Frank said. “Their opinions never align with mine, and I find that personally offensive. They should really make an effort to have more agreeable opinions.”

The Collegian openly welcomes any and all students at CSU to write for them, regardless of their academic background. The Opinion desk also welcomes Letters to the Editor from the student body.

Smith, however, had no interest in contributing beyond his current Facebook-centered negative feedback campaign.

Katie Lindberg can be reached at letters@collegian.com or online at @quantumCatnip.