Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from the Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
FORT COLLINS– A 30-foot waterfall will be at the center stage of the Durrell dining hall by 2021.
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Last Friday, President Tony Franks sent out a curiously short, 1,000-word email detailing Colorado State University’s decision to partner with the popular Denver restaurant and landmark Casa Bonita.
“We are going beyond what we ever thought we could achieve in our dining halls,” said Frank in his email. “Partnering with Casa Bonita is the second best thing we have done for our dining halls, second only to choosing to serve chicken cooked to the consistency of rubber.”
Casa Bonita is a popular restaurant that everyone in Denver has to go to in order to be considered a true Denver native. The dining experience is famous for its wild ambiance, entertaining shows and shock value that it actually exists.
Freshman computer science major Derek Verner said he is excited to have a new option in the dining hall because he can get high before going to the Durell’s Casa Bonita-themed dining hall.
“Casa Bonita is fun, but it’s even more fun when you’re stoned,” Verner said. “I can’t wait to eat cat food in my tacos instead of whatever Durrell regularly serves.”
Features of the new installment will include a 30-foot water fall (that students are allowed to dive off for $1 RamCash) and a new menu that is identical to Casa Bonita’s. Even alcohol will be served by a dining hall employee dressed as a gorilla.
“It’s going to be like the RamSkeller, but with margaritas and cliff diving,” Frank said. “I think the students are going to react well to this new student-fee based project.”
The project will break ground next summer semester and is estimated to be completed by 2021.
Satirical writer Allec Brust can be reached at letters@collegian.com
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