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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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Seriously: President Tony Frank announces removal of Cam the Ram statues


A statue of the stalwart Ram standing tall in the night light will soon be gone.

Editor’s Note: Seriously is a satire column, which may or may not use real names in fictitious or semi-fictitious ways. 


FORT COLLINS– Colorado State University President Tony Frank recently announced that all statues of Cam the Ram will be removed from campus. Frank cited the statue’s as “gender exclusive” due to Rams being the title of all male sheep and goats. 

According to Frank, the decision to remove the male-sheep figures from CSU was made in response to President Trump’s recent remarks over the loss of statues and monuments in Charlottesville, VA. 

“Trump’s words really got me thinking about the significance statues can carry, and that significance is not always positive,” Tony Frank said. “Cam the Ram is a symbol of CSU’s history, but that history is not only for those who identify as male.”

Phil Fry, a children’s TV host turned zoologist, spoke with the Collegian on Frank’s statements.  “Thanks to groundbreaking research, we now know that sheep gender is very complex. We cannot just have statues of male sheep, it is not accurate depiction of the sheep population.”

President Frank says the statues will be replaced with monuments that better reflect the diverse gender identities of big horn sheep.

What these statues will look like is yet to be determined, as designers have not decided upon a creation that does not offend or exclude at least one sheep subgroup.

Satire writer and columnist Lauren Willson can be reached at letters@collegian and online at @LaurenKealani

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  • M

    Menachem MevashirAug 28, 2017 at 9:35 am

    A hermaphrodite is an animal with both male and female features. To include the GBLT folks, it could be called a Hermaphrodyke.

    Cammie can be both male and female too.

    So how about a statue of Cammie with both sets of anatomical features and a limp horn on the head?

    • M

      Menachem MevashirAug 28, 2017 at 9:36 am

      Here’s something Tony Frank can work on.

      We all know CSU tuition costs students their shirts. Does it have to take their shorts as well?

  • J

    Joseph MuddAug 24, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    Maybe the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thanks Lauren.

  • A

    Austin ColterAug 23, 2017 at 12:51 am

    Girl how boring and sad is your life that you needed to co-opt the recent events surrounding the removal of confederate statues, and twist it into a platform for your clear misunderstanding of what trans-ness looks like. Go outside. Take a whif of the air. Do better. Read up on some history and sociology.

    • A

      Allec BrustAug 23, 2017 at 11:04 am

      This is a satire column. However, we would love to have your opinion in our paper, send column responses to

    • T

      Tom GrassiaAug 28, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      Not as boring as the life of the person who took the time to respond.