As told by Tam: why you shouldn’t get back with your ex

Tamra Smalewitz

Do not, I repeat, do not get back together with your ex.

We have heard it a million times: “don’t get back with him, he is not the one for you,” or “don’t get back with her, she is so mean.” And we have all seen it: once you break up with your significant other, your friends come out and say they didn’t like them in the first place. As frustrating as that can be, your friends tend to be a great judge of character and only want what is best for you.


If you are thinking about getting back together with your ex, read below for some tips on why you shouldn’t.

Let me start off by saying there is a reason you broke up in the first place. Why was that? Remember that reason and use it to motivate you not to get back together with your ex. You may think, “oh that does not matter anymore,” but if you ignore it, that reason will keep coming up and bothering you until you inevitably break up again for the same, and maybe even additional, reasons. And sometimes, the second breakup is nastier than the first.

It is possible that you felt like your significant other needed to change, and it’s likely that they have not changed since when you broke up. After all, change is not a one-time occasion — it takes time and practice. The shorter the time you have been apart, the more likely it is that they haven’t changed much.

Another important point to consider is that your ex has probably moved on in some ways and done stuff with other people. They are not sitting around thinking about or waiting for you, as so may of us tend to romanticize. You deserve someone who is sitting around thinking about you and missing you, not someone who is taking others out to dinner and the movies and might text you back if you sound desperate enough.

You deserve better, you deserve the world, and if you broke up, that’s clearly not what they’ve given you and they probably never will. Rams, you deserve someone who will always care of you and who will want you to be happy. For whatever reason, your ex has not made you happy, so find someone who will.

An article from the Huffington Post says, “You’re acting out of desperation because you feel like you’re too old, never meet any nice guys, don’t have confidence you will meet someone better, etc. Again, if fear vs. love is motivating you to separate, it’s time to dig deep and look at how you can start to fall in love with yourself.”

I know that the holidays are around the corner and it is nice to have someone to be with, but that does not mean you should get back with your ex. Getting back with your ex just because it is the holiday season is the wrong reason. You may not have anyone to be with in a relationship for the holidays and that is okay. Being single and independent is a good thing; it makes you a stronger person and you learn way more about yourself than you do being in a relationship.

Getting back together is like putting on an old pair of comfy jeans — they fit perfectly and you know exactly what you’re getting with them, but sometimes you need to buy a new pair of jeans for a new look and a new sense of confidence. 

Collegian Columnist Tamra Smalewitz can be reached at, or on Twitter @tamrasmalewitz.