Last year, I suggested that the next ASCSU presidential campaigns should focus on bringing two-ply toiletries to campus and opening a rickshaw service for students who loathe the walking commute from the parking lot. Thus once again I am somewhat disappointed with the new round of delegates, although it’s nice to see more than two pairs for a change.

Who becomes President of the students here is actually very important in truth. They preside over millions of dollars worth of student fees, and they get a nice cushy paycheck to go with their “high stress” job. Unfortunately electing one campaign over the other is totally a shot in the dark, because once elected our fearless leaders seem to disappear. I do not even recall the names of our current high administrators, I think its Daniels something or other. Whoever it is, good job with your presidency, I am not sure that you did anything, but at least your weren’t ridden with scandal either.

To be fair, ASCSU probably does at least something for our University and students, though they are incredibly secret and not showy about it. This makes me think that either they have no power to actually do anything meaningful and thus don’t talk about it, or they do a lot of things and are just really selfless. But in my experience anyone involved in politics of any sort likes to toot their own horn, no matter how small, so our student administrative club likely lacks teeth to accomplish anything generally overall useful I am guessing.

Still, all props to the current campaigning hopefuls for putting in a lot of time and effort to the process. I do not think I could do it to be honest, too many self important people for me to deal with. Also, it seems that our campaigners have really gotten the process of how to bring the intelligent mind of the college voting student to their arms. Big signs full of ambiguous and unintentional empty promises and free candy are the tools in which year after year our great student body is enamored with. And a word of advice: take that candy from these people; take it all, because that is about all you will ever get from them.

The problem of limited results is not ASCSU’s fault; they are in effect like a miniature dachshund puppy trying to take on the bull elephant of our University’s bureaucracy. Our metaphorical little wiener dog of student representatives is bound to get mustard out trying to make anything happen at this place of education. And while I am sure they would relish the opportunity to be Presidents, they really can’t ketchup to the Board of Governors.

A little more seriously, I hope that the people who will be here next semester do manage to unlock their future. Or maybe freshman can still have the spirit of belief that one team will be able to really create a bike share system or improve Wi-Fi on campus. All it will take is drastic sweeping visible form of improvement directly by the ASCSU infrastructure that hasn’t happened since I’ve been here, but hey anything’s possible.

Finally, if anyone finds themselves disenchanted with the current prospects, I encourage you to write in the name Wedge Antilles. I probably know him better than anyone, and the things he stands for are pretty cool. Just yesterday he was thinking of making a zoo in the unused indoor practice facility, where we could put all the harmed whales from SeaWorld. Wedge also wants to create a recreational pool on the west side of Lory Student center, put a new parking garage right in the middle of campus, reduce tuition to 1000 dollars per degree, and create 3 recreational marijuana smoking zones on campus. He is too tired to put in the effort of campaigning, but writing in his name on the ballots will get everyone the leader they deserve here at CSU. And even if he accomplishes none of these grandiose projects, it wouldn’t be any different than anyone else in the position.

It is my sincere hope that reading this article brought at least one person an amused smile. It should also encourage everyone on this campus to vote in the election. This is a small practice of democracy, and democracy is really cool. This will also help you recognize the clowns now, so that you can keep them out of a bigger and more oval office later.

Res Stecker is a senior frustrated with ASCSU doing entirely nothing for his four years here. Letters can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

In Brief:

I cannot remember the current President, which says something about the effectiveness of campaigning.

Either ASCSU does a whole lot of nothing, or their incredibly selfless.

If you’re going to vote, don’t bother with the written in candidates and consider writing your own name, you might be able to do more.