Rams’ Rede: How do I pick up members of the opposite sex?

-Lonely

Dear Lonely,

One of the harder things to do during your life is to successfully find someone that you can tolerate for more than five minutes, and also find them attractive. Of course, this limits the list of potential date-worthy people to a small number, but then the opposite sex has to also find you attractive as well. Of course, that is if you want to date someone, some other less long term activities usually lower to standards for what you are searching for in another person. Still, the first step is arguably one of the most important, which is to actually get together with someone in the first place. We can worry about hanging on to them (or not) at a later date. This column will tell you how to separate pants from person in 750 words or less.

So ladies, if you are wondering how to meet a great guy and really have something, or maybe you just want to find someone satisfying for now, there are various steps to take depending on your personality. If you are into the party scene, then it probably won’t be very hard to find offers. In fact you probably say no a lot more than you will say yes. But the key to grabbing the right guy is to show him attention. Not negative attention like “oh look at me and how dumb or drunk I am” that makes a guy turned off, you’re now a standup comedian, and no man you’re interested in want to get romantic with a sloppy Dane Cook.

Positive attention is when girls can tell good stories or act really classy. That will get a guy’s attention or at least a guy with a future beyond his pot smoking days. There is nothing sexier than a girl with confidence and the subtle moves to back it up. The brush or touch of the arm with your hand will immediately make any man stop what he is doing and pay attention to you. This works for any girl in any situation, be flirtatious, with physical contact or just messing around, trust me, the guy will notice. Society says girls should not be forward, what a load of crap. Being forward gets to the point and the fun stuff faster.

Many men believe that women have it easier in the dating world, especially when it comes to asking someone out. While the degree of difficulty dating demands on each of us varies, it is certainly true that men are expected to make the initial moves. Still, many men find this uncomfortable and difficult, but do not fret, there is a way to make it better.

First, guys you need a move, or multiple moves, if you can manage. You do not have to be really outgoing necessarily, you just need something to hold the interest of your….interest. Also, learn a joke, or several- if you are not funny then fake it; some women do it all the time. Being a good orator in public by doing things such as tell good stories will make a bunch of people listen to you, and you are bound to make a good impression. This will help extremely in picking up a lady.

Still, if you are not the type to be the center of attention that is okay. Realize that there are a lot of women out there, and really it is a numbers game. Just use your move and ask 30 women out during weekend. You will probably get 25 no’s, but those other 5 are now potential dates. This is essentially a numbers game for guys, ask enough women out and you are bound to get yes’s by the dozen.

Oh and guys if you do not have a good move, try pick some pick-up lines.

“Excuse me are you okay? You do not look well.” (This will throw her because she tried to look great this morning.) Then say “You seem to be suffering from a lack of Vitamin Me.” And there is your in..

Or try spilling a drink on her, and then simply say I can get you out of those wet clothes.

Finally if you just want a one night stand use “What has 140 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.”

Okay so maybe pick-up lines do not work, but seriously, the rest of the advice here is gold. Run with it.

*If you are someone who loves a member of the same sex, take advice for opposite sex and apply it to your own endeavors

*Results may vary. We are not responsible if you now become irresistible to the opposite sex.