Finals survival guide: Disregard to your own peril

Isaac Morley
Isaac Morley

There are few things in life that can stop the collective hearts of thousands at once, fewer that can do so repeatedly for years without causing mass death.

One such thing occurs biannually at our university and it is fast approaching. The event of which I speak is, of course, finals week. As we approach finals week there are many things that we, as students need to consider. Below you will find a detailed list of considerations for finals week that will help you to survive; remember, not all these tricks will work for everyone and results may vary. Adjustments to your regimen for best health effects are suggested, do not consume these tips with alcohol.

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Of Flies and Teachers

Teachers, despite looking different (they actually eat real food and get moderate amounts of sleep), are human. Treat them with dignity and respect, they deserve it. They are older, smarter and control the grade you get at the end of the semester, but most importantly they take time out of their schedule that they could be doing research or working in other areas to help us achieve success later in life. Sure, they get paid for it, but honestly would you want to deal with thousands of us, even for the amount that they are paid? These people are much more tolerant than we give them credit for.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and teachers, like flies, however, unlike flies, do not like poop, so don’t be crappy to them, it won’t help you.

Shut up and grow a spine

Sure, it’s finals week, you might be failing that class you need, your life is on the line, but it isn’t anyone’s fault but your own. Stop blaming teachers and friends for you not doing well in classes. This is a process I like to call Being a Jerk. It is the least efficient way to study for that final that is coming and it won’t help. Instead, stow the feelings and take time to focus and study away from distractions. If there is a mistake in your grade, consider the first tip and politely request an appointment to discuss the mistake.

Glorious Food

Don’t forget to eat. It sounds stupid but many people get so busy during this time of year that they don’t take the opportunity to slow down for a minute and eat a good meal. Not only does it help you not die, it allows you to take a minute to relax. Let your mind wander for a bit. Just like any other workout, when pressing your brain to the max, be sure to take a break. Even a five minute break before class to just sit and eat a snack will help you de-stress and will help you cope in the long run.

The Sound of Music

Study rooms, and markers, and white boards, and partners, these are a few of my favorite things — for studying. Know yourself: if you don’t study well with distractions, rent a room from the library or Behavioral Sciences Building, don’t play music and avoid study partners. Everyone studies differently and until you figure out what works best for you, try mini-sessions of different ways to figure it out. Expo markers write on windows just as well as white boards so even if you are studying in your apartment, try writing out what you are studying. It can help you visualize materials and set goals.

It’s A Trap!

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Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, these are great to relax when you have free time, but if you are trying to study don’t go near these sites. They are time sucks used by corporate entities that feed on the life force of young students to propagate their right wing, psycho-extremist, capitalist agenda. Also they are a waste of time.

Soft Kitty

Stress is a kind of sick. The best remedy is a good night’s sleep and a good breakfast before your test. Don’t cram through the night and don’t try to study up until the test. Take that time to relax and get your mind straight.

Remember that you can only do your best. If you try your hardest and study to a healthy extent, be proud of what you accomplish. You are already statistically in the top 10 percent of most educated people on the planet.

Stay classy rams.

Isaac Morley is a sophomore Business Administration and English Education double major. This is his last column, he will be working for Disney after this. Follow him on Twitter @Isaac_Morley and send feedback and responses to letters@collegian.com.