Facebook romance needs to stop

Bayley EnrightThis past week, while involved in a bout of harmless Facebook stalking with a friend (it’s less creepy if you’re stalking “with” someone rather than if you’re stalking by yourself), I came across a makeout photo. While there was nothing special about the photo itself, there was a comment that caught my attention: “It’s like you’ve chewed up your standards and spit them all over Facebook.”

I, personally, hold this to be one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen on Facebook, and the individual who said it has become one of my personal heroes. Why, you may ask? Because he stood up against something that is rapidly becoming one of the most worrisome and gag-inducing features of our generation’s social fabric: Facebook romance.

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Since we’re just emerging from the hearts-and-kisses cultural extravaganza that is Valentine’s Day, I’m sure you have all seen your fair share of Facebook romance recently, but allow me to define it for you.

Facebook romance includes, but is not limited to, extensive status updates, photos, comments and any other manner of postings that publicize your romantic life. An important word in this definition not to be overlooked is “excessive” — fine, you got engaged, and I see how that’s kind of a big deal for you; go ahead and tell other people about it.

But the couple who’s been dating for like three months and have a different couple profile pic every single day, who always tag each other in posts about how love is wonderful and perfect? Yeah. You guys are guilty of gratuitous Facebook romance.

Facebook romance is problematic for a number of reasons, the most obvious being that it is essentially a public liveblog of your romantic life – which I guarantee is not going to be a happy yellow-brick road of flowers and munchkins the whole way.

How awkward is it when suddenly you and your significant other break up and you realize your public Internet profile is nothing but a conglomeration of sappy memories that have now gone sour?  Even if you delete the 12 albums of “Us <3 <3,” all 1,400 of your friends have already seen them, and will commence intense stalking as soon as your relationship status switches to “single.”

There is no peace for the Facebook romancers. If you are one, even if they don’t tell you, all your friends hate you. Don’t take it personally. It’s just fact.

While Facebook romancers are hazardous to society enough in themselves, those who indulge them are only perpetuating this dangerous trend. You know, those people who comment on couples’ photos with something along the lines of “ohmygosh you two are soooooo cute” or “stop being so adorable!!!!” To all of you who are encouraging such Facebook romance: stop.

Take a leaf out of that-random-guy-I-stalked-on-FB’s book, and respond with disgust, disapproval, pessimism, or (better yet) all of the above.

Stop Facebook romancing and save our generation’s public face.