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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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The Rocky Mountain Collegian

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The Zombie Apocalypse is coming; you’ve been warned

I know how excited we all are for it. It’s a way to weed out the weak and the less intelligent. A reason to shoot people we hated for picking on us when we were little, while simultaneously saving the life of the damsel in distress or for you ladies, the attractive sharpshooter who just ran out of ammo.

The Zombie Apocalypse.


As the saying goes, the hardest part about the zombie apocalypse will be pretending I’m not excited.

Fear not, my fellow citizens, because if you don’t think you have the skills to survive, REI has a class for you. Zombie Preparedness — Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse. This is a real class taught by a “Zombie Specialist.” Sure, it’s in Framingham, Mass. But at least it exists.

Disaster, as zombie enthusiasts hope for, is always just around the corner. It’s like winter: It’s always coming (If you haven’t seen “Game of Thrones,” stop reading the newspaper in class and go watch it).

Hurricane Sandy was a horrible disaster that shut down the east coast and devastated lives. There was no electricity, no food, no water and no way to move around safely because of the flooding. Sound familiar?

All the zombie preparedness training is actually just good survival training. Doug Cornelius on said that the training was especially relevant because of the power outage his family faced from Hurricane Sandy.

He acknowledges that his family was lucky for not taking the brunt of the storm like New York or New Jersey, but still felt that a little survival training couldn’t hurt.

The zombie premise “helped keep a difficult discussion about survival more light-hearted,” Mr. Cornelius wrote in his article “Lessons from a Zombie Preparedness Class.”

Survival is survival (Minus the flesh eating freaks thing). The more people know about how to take care of themselves, the better.

If you are exposed to media, books, movies, TV shows etc., then you have heard the idea that we are too reliant on our technology. And we are. Think about how you would survive if power went down for a couple months. This means no credit cards, no driving, no internet, no heating, no refrigerator, no oven and none of the other items that people in the first world take for granted.


How many of you know how to hunt? Some people are impressive hunters, but not impressive enough to feed a college campus of 25,000 people. What about water? Do you know how to purify it so it’s safe to drink?

If you are as excited about World War Z as Max Brooks or I am, then you might know these skills. If you like backpacking, you might also be okay.

Living in Colorado we are lucky. We don’t have to deal with disasters like cities on the coasts do. But that doesn’t mean basic survival knowledge isn’t important. We also have the beautiful Rocky Mountains, in which several people die every year. Even experienced hikers — like James Nelson, who was found in May of this year, dead by his camp — are not safe.

But what Colorado does face is snow. Lots of it. Enough to trap people in their homes or the hotel in Estes Park they are caretaking while ghosts possess their husband. My car may be tricked out with armor and ready for the zombie highway, but it is also great in situations where other cars can’t drive. I’ve towed many cars out of snow and made grocery store runs for people who can’t pull out of their garage. Being prepared, and able to take care of yourself in the face of natural disasters — or zombies — is important.

Survival knowledge will always be helpful because no matter how the world ends. Aliens, robot rebellion, or zombies, knowing how to feed yourself is priority number one.

If you don’t know anything about survival, then let me suggest you team up with one of us nerds who does.

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