Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended. April Fools’ Day articles are a long-running tradition at The Collegian and are for entertainment purposes only.

In an unexpected turn of events, Colorado State University has announced the much-anticipated Andrew G. Clark Building renovation will be canceled.

The Clark Building, generally viewed as an eyesore on campus, was set to undergo a complete renovation in the coming years. The renovation was supposed to bring much-needed updates to the building’s facilities, reshape classrooms and make it more welcoming to students and faculty.

Regrettably, the university has now announced the renovation plans have been canceled due to unanticipated paranormal problems.

Mike Hall, CSU spokesperson, said in a statement released this week, “We regret to inform the students that the Clark Building renovation has been canceled. According to recent investigations, the building is haunted by many spirits, and we cannot build without disturbing them.”

Many students and faculty members were disappointed and upset by the announcement.

“I can’t believe they would cancel this renovation because of some ghosts,” sophomore Emily Jones said. “There has to be a way to fix that. I can’t keep going to class in Clark C.”

Some students, on the other hand, found the news predictable. “I have always suspected the Clark Building to be haunted,” junior Chloe Smith said. “The fact that this building barely has any windows should explain it.”

Others are unfazed by the news. “I don’t even care at this point,” senior Mike Thompson said. “I am graduating this year, so I wouldn’t have been able to see the new building anyway.” 

While the cancellation of the renovation is undoubtedly disappointing for those expecting a fresher and better Clark Building, CSU assured the community they are still dedicated to pursuing campus improvements in other areas.

“We understand that this is disappointing news,” Hall said. “But we want our students and faculty to know that we take paranormal problems seriously, and quite frankly, the Clark Building really isn’t that bad and not worth the risk.”

Many students and faculty members expressed their disappointment and disbelief after learning of the cancellation. Despite the mixed reactions, the Clark Building remains a topic of discussion on campus, with some speculating about the identities of the ghosts haunting the building and others doubting the university’s claims.

As word of the cancellation spread, rumors about other possible reasons for the cancellation of the renovation plans began to circulate on social media.

Some students believe the university ran out of funds, while others rumored the decision was part of a larger plot to preserve the Clark Building as a historical landmark. One student even made a meme of the Clark Building, captioning it, “The Clark Building: Ugly but Invincible.”

Nonetheless, the university has not yet indicated whether they intend to reconsider the paranormal concerns and proceed with the renovation at a later date. It is unclear what will happen to the Clark Building in the aftermath of this announcement, but for the time being, it appears that its outdated exterior and aging infrastructure will continue to stay a fixture on campus for the near future.

Meanwhile, students and faculty must keep going to the Clark Building’s outdated and overcrowded classrooms, a reminder that even the best-laid plans can be disrupted by obstacles.

Reach Shaquia O’Lean at news@collegian.com or on Twitter @csucollegian.