Angling for puppy-vote, ASCSU puts forth first-ever canine candidate

Mikaela Rodenbaugh

In a most unorthodox move for an Associated Students of Colorado State University election, the student government body made the decision to put its first-ever non-human candidate on the ballot.

The historic candidate is none other than an adorable Bernese Mountain Dog puppy named Bojangles Frank, in what has been described by many current ASCSU representatives as “a game changer.”

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“Obviously, ASCSU candidates have used puppies to get the attention of unsuspecting students on their way to class in many elections, but this is really just putting our money where our mouth is on CSU’s love of dogs,” said one ASCSU senator, who requested to remain anonymous for this article.

While some members of ASCSU were understandably worried about the transition, reportedly one of the most accepting was current student body president, Tristan Syron.

“Bojangles is going to lead the campus in real change. Yes he is, yes he is,” Syron said.

Bojangles enjoys not only the support of the ASCSU president but reportedly also CSU President Tony Frank.

“Well for starters he’s got a strong name,” President Frank said.

Bojangles Frank promises an unusual platform: including belly rubs for all, opening up campus buildings to all puppers (not just the very good service dogs on campus, which Bojangles called, ‘vest bois’), converting The Oval into a dog park and adding treat stations throughout The Plaza.

For one student who considered voting for the fuzzy young pup, accessibility was a key issue.

“Now I’ll finally have a reason to come into the ASCSU chambers,” said George Winkle, a fourth-year construction management student. “Before, I’ve never really seen a reason to stop by, but I can’t wait to have a dog I can pet in the office.”

At press time, Bojangles could be seen offering student voters a chance to play fetch and giving students free homework-eating services in front of his booth on The Plaza.

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece for April Fools Day. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

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Yeehaw Junction Digital Production Manager Mikaela Joken-baugh can be reached at mrodenbaugh@collegian.com or on Twitter @mikarodenbaugh.