Confessions from your Friday Columnist

Quinn ScahillBefore you read this last piece of mine, I have to sincerely thank you, my readers, for putting up with my columns all year long.

That being said, there are still some things I need to get off my chest before I graduate and enter the real world, where I’ll be a nameless, faceless and voiceless drone. These aren’t all confessions per se, but whatever, deal with it.

  • I’ve always wanted to kick a campus goose. Although I never actually have, I’ve thought about it a lot. At least the other critters on campus have the decency not to decimate our sidewalks and fields with feces. Just admit it: Canadian Geese are total douchebags.
  • I legitimately love screaming YOLO.
  • After I turned 21, all of my Ramcash was spent solely at the Ram Skeller. This is pretty self-explanatory, and I’m not even sure if I should be ashamed of this. Regardless – now you know – and should probably do the same.
  • The beer sold at Hughes Stadium is a lot like our football team: it’s not full strength – so don’t buy it. Why would I want to pay more money for less beer? I don’t know, but the university probably has a legitimate reason for ripping me off – they’ve done a great job of it in the past four years.
  • At a certain point in my life I set off a fire extinguisher during a party. I may or may not have been yelling YOLO while doing this, and may or may not have regretted the act entirely.
  • All those unused meal swipes I had from my freshman year – they might have gone bad – but over the years I’ve managed to get my money back. All I’m saying is that Corbett isn’t guarded very well.
  • The traffic engineer(s) of the city of Fort Collins should be ashamed of themselves. Traffic is atrocious for a town of this size. But perhaps I’m being too quick to judge: if my office were directly across the street from the New Belgium brewery, I’d probably have difficulty doing my job too.
  • The Collegian staff has been preaching this for a while, but I’m just going to repeat it. Bring. Luda. Back. As we all know by now, ASAP will probably do nothing to make this happen. That means the Air Force Reserve will need to get back on their grind to bring the Dirty South back to the Front Range.
  • Befriending the cashiers at Cam’s quick shop will benefit you exponentially. Besides, they’re great people and you should be friends with them anyway.
  • About that riot the other week – I’m still proud to be a CSU ram. And also – don’t register your parties – how many times do I have to say this?!
  • Hands down, the best restrooms on campus are in the Visual Arts Building. No other spot can match the bathroom graffiti, and it’s wildly entertaining when you’re taking care of business.
  • My final confession to you, my faithful readers, is that I’ve been writing this while wearing nothing but jorts, and it feels fantastic. Just thought I’d leave you with a nice mental image.

Later days, CSU.

Quinn Scahill is a senior English major. His columns appear Fridays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.