In a study space filled with loud and rambunctious students pretending to study for exams, a Colorado State University student has finally found some goddamn peace and quiet.

After three hours of relentless searching on Thursday afternoon of midterms week, Jake Gonzales, a sophomore studying economics, has finally found a quiet spot in the Morgan Library to study.

Gonzales spent the better part of an afternoon, when he could have been studying for his econometrics exam, walking the halls of the Morgan Library in attempts to find someplace where the giggling and gossiping of students couldn’t be heard. Gonzales, after scrounging the corners of each of the four floors of the library, was relieved to find a desk where he could hear his own thoughts.

“It was like a weight had been taken off of my shoulders, really,” Gonzales said. “There’s nothing quite like hearing yourself speak after three hours of constant chatter. It’s life changing.”

Although the location may not be convenient for Gonzales, he says that he’s happy to not hear the chatter from Becky Jones and Jill Smith about whatever Stephanie Clifford has recently been up to.

It was like a weight had been taken off of my shoulders, really.” – CSU student Jake Gonzales on finally hearing his own thoughts in the Morgan Library.

To find his study spot, Gonzales had to go to the third floor and tilt the three specific “Nietzsche” books that are never taken off the shelves, which revealed a secret stairway to an attic room, with space only for a single desk.

“It was cramped and hot and stuffy, but at least I could study without interruption,” Gonzales said. “And nobody tried to come bother me. I mean, who reads ‘Nietzsche’ anyway?”

Gonzales declined to give any more details on how to find this quiet spot in the library, in fear that other students may fill the space with noise. As the only CSU student who actually studies in the Morgan Library, Gonzales said that it’s important that he keeps this spot a secret.

On a related note, while searching for his study spot the following day, Gonzales states that a couple of gossiping students had already taken his spot, prompting another search around the four-story building for some goddamn peace and quiet.

Collegian reporter Julia Trowbridge can be reached at entertainment@collegian.com or on twitter @chapin_jules.

Editor’s note: This is a satire piece for April Fools Day. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not like reading editor’s notes are subject to being offended.