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You do not owe your composure to anyone.

Not to the men who remain indifferent to your rights but detest your anger. Not to the politicians who speak over you in conversations about your body. Not even to the 47th president of the United States, who, despite having a mother, a wife and a daughter, will never respect a woman enough to let her live with the fraction of a man’s freedom. Grieving the change we could have had is necessary to accept the change we will now have to make ourselves.

Do not limit your sadness, your anger or your disappointment because enough men did not support a woman’s right to choose. It should not be this way, and that is not your fault.

America fears ambitious women — especially ambitious women of color — because our country has marketed ambition as a trait exclusive to white men. Even if President Joe Biden had dropped out sooner, even if Kamala Harris had addressed ending the Israel-Hamas war from the start of her campaign and even if she had marginally improved her campaign strategy in any way, that still wouldn’t have been enough for some. She could have been the perfect candidate and would still lose their vote because she is an ambitious woman of color and not a white man.

I woke up the day after the election feeling hurt, shocked and gutted that our country has fallen back into a cycle of hatred. I am scared of what the election’s results will mean in the coming years, especially in states that have already retracted many reproductive freedoms. I don’t know how many times women need to bleed out before our medical care is proven necessary.

There were many states that had victories in securing abortion amendments within their state constitutions. Montana, Missouri and Arizona surprised me in a beautiful way. These successes deserve celebration, though at large, to be honest, I am having a hard time feeling celebratory. I am devastated, though, for Florida, where, despite the amendment’s 57% approval rate, it fell short of its required 60% supermajority and wasn’t passed.

I feel out of my body. It is painful. It is painful knowing that we have seen this destruction before and now must live through an even worse kind. It is worse because we know what to expect from him this time. We have lived it; there are plans outlining it. Though I live in two states that protect my autonomy, my heart breaks for the women who don’t. Many will consider themselves lucky to live in proximity to a state with reproductive health care. That is where we’re at now. We bargain our bodies off to silver linings.

At some point, I will be ready to use my anger for advocacy in more productive ways. But for now, for this week, to my women: Be kind to yourself. You were not naive for having hope. You are not weak for being scared. Take your time. Do not expedite grief, and do not act calm simply for the sake of looking composed. No woman gets anywhere by being quiet.

Reach Emma Souza at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @_emmasouza.