Editor’s note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
In a recent interview about the upcoming Border War game for Colorado State University’s football team, President Tony Frank said there were, “Very fine people on both sides.”
CSU will play against Wyoming on the Oct. 26 at 8 p.m. for the first Border War football game on CSU’s campus in 50 years. Since this will be President Tony Frank’s last Border War football game, he shared his thoughts to the community.
“I’ve never understood why the Border War is so important. There are already huge walls at every border of every state, that’s what those lines on the map mean. That’s why I fly everywhere. So, what’s the big fuss?” Frank said.
These comments have sparked some response from prideful CSU students who don’t want the rivalry to be “dumbed down”.
One undeclared freshman, CSU student Jim Finch, said, “Our President needs to understand the history of CSU’s rivalry against Wyoming. I don’t think he should be sympathizing with the enemies!”
Some students called out for the President to expel students who are native to the state of Wyoming. The rationale for this being that since these students are not from Colorado, so they should be considered “enemies of the state,” and should not have access to Colorado’s higher education.
Sophomore philosophy major Aaron Race said, “It’s not fair for these Wyoming-ers come to our land and take advantage of our university.”
Tony Frank wanted to assure his students that he is all for good team spirit, but he does not necessarily advocate for any violence over this rivalry.
“CSU students should set the precedent for what good sportsmanship means. Humility is a very good trait to have. Look at me as an example, I think I am humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.” Frank said.
He went on to speak more about the history of the CSU and Wyoming rivalry.
“The history of CSU and Wyoming has always been very clear to me. I would of course say that CSU has gotten the better of Wyoming. I think the only difference between us and the other team is that we’re more honest and our cheerleaders are more beautiful!” Frank said.
The anticipated turn out for the upcoming Border War game has risen by the thousands since Tony Frank’s statements. It appears the President’s statements incited the rivalry even more than it already was.
As usual, Fort Collins Police is calling in the riot squad to help maintain the anticipated acts of violence at the tailgate of the game.
Tony Frank will be in attendance and live tweeting from his phone at: @CSUTonyFrank.
Rory Plunkett can be reached letters@collegian.com or online at @jericho.wav
