The Collegian cannabis desk covers a plethora of issues, tips, tricks and more — all related to the interesting effects and uses of cannabis. 

Strain reviews also often pop up in our publication and showcase a cannabis strain chosen by a reporter who reviews its amazing qualities — from aroma to color to the type of high you’d get by using it yourself.

Though articles about it are scarce due to a lack of availability of the strain, I’d like to introduce you to the Lucy Strain.

When you smoke it, the cannabinoid receptors in your brain grab onto the THC and give you access to 100% of your brain — a feat of science only seen in the 2014 movie “Lucy,” starring Scarlett Johansson. Thus, the “Lucy Strain.”

Purchasing the strain was actually difficult. First, I was willingly kidnapped by a budtender, who blindfolded me, brought me to their house and showed me the mysterious strain. I was dropped back off a mile from home, money exchanged for mystery. 

When you first inhale the blueish-tinted flower, you might experience feelings of euphoria or have an extremely violent seizure. Either way, welcome to what it feels like to use every part of your brain at will, all at once. 

Suddenly, you’ll remember every single “Love Island” cast member and their respective jobs while also blinking and completing that long-ass essay you forgot to start writing before you lit up after classes. You’ll type so fast, it’ll look like you’re tickling the ivories on a piano.

“This strain is amazing because it makes you able to forgo sleeping for literal weeks. Thus, the feelings of delusional euphoria are amplified and, in my case, surely welcomed. I didn’t feel any brain fog. If anything, I felt so in control that I could personally embody control. “

You can predict the movements of others and speak every language available to you. As a journalist, this is very important to me. I found myself memorizing the quotes from sources I interviewed, although the copy desk had a huge issue with my lack of documentation and proof of interviews. I know y’all are reading this. I’m sorry. 

The smell of the Lucy Strain smoke seeping out of my pipe was like a blue Jolly Rancher. It puddled around my ankles and formed into a weed-smoke, cat-shaped cloud, which subsequently played with my cat for the duration of my high. The smoky shadow meowed, too, in French. I would know that because I can speak every language — keep up. 

This strain is amazing because it makes you able to forgo sleeping for literal weeks. Thus, the feelings of delusional euphoria are amplified and, in my case, surely welcomed. I didn’t feel any brain fog. If anything, I felt so in control that I could personally embody control. 

Now that I have access to 100% of my brain 100% of the time, I am currently existing as an astral projection reading the rest of this over your shoulder.

If you’re hoping to get your hands on the Lucy Strain, stand outside Five Guys in the middle of the night and wait for my budtender to snatch you off the block. 

Reach Bella Eckburg at cannabis@collegian.com or on Twitter @yaycolor.