It is common knowledge that former President Barack Hussein Obama spent the final months of his presidency obsessed with then-Presidential Candidate Donald Trump. Obama likely used his gigantic ears to overhear private conversations from the Trump campaign. As if this atrocity was not enough, last week Trump’s senior counselor Kellyanne Conway offered an even more frightening … [Read more...]
Seriously: Libertarian Party to give up paying taxes for Lent
Editor's Note: Seriously is a satire column, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. The views expressed do not necessarily represent the views of the Collegian's editorial board. Claiming that Libertarians everywhere want to "resist the temptation of government and grow closer to God," Executive Director of the Libertarian Party Wes … [Read more...]
Seriously: Cory Gardner skips town hall to go be yelled at by family instead
Deadened by the injustice of actually having to speak with other human beings, Colorado senator Cory Gardner told reporters Tuesday that he has decided to skip a town hall meeting with his constituents so that he can go be yelled at by his family instead. "While it would be an honor and a joy to be hollered at by voters for hours on end, I've also got to be there for … [Read more...]
Seriously: North Dakota vs. South Dakota
This election cycle marked the debut of both North Dakota and South Dakota in national news, North Dakota for stealing land from its Native American population and South Dakota for declaring a state of emergency to deal with the crisis of voter-approved ethics regulations. Both places are pretty messed up right now, but which state is the crappiest to live in? Here's how they … [Read more...]
Seriously: Laura still pretty horrible person despite all the yoga
Embed from Getty Images Laura Reynolds, a junior natural resources major, practices yoga every day. “My practice is everything,” said Reynolds. “I can’t imagine a day without a downward dog or some other inverted pose to keep me balanced.” But sources say, despite all the yoga, Reynolds is still a pretty shitty person. Ava Guzman has been Reynolds’ roommate for 8 … [Read more...]
