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The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

The Student News Site of Colorado State University

The Rocky Mountain Collegian

April Fools' Day

The Colorado State University dorms, Westfall and Durward, and the Durrell Center stand primarily without power on Feb. 18. (Addie Kuettner | The Collegian)

CSU to limit race and bias incidents by going online, shutting down campus

Marshall Dunham March 31, 2020

In an effort to limit the vast amount of race and bias incidents that have occurred on campus, Colorado State University has shut down its entire campus and moved all of its operations online. “We had...

CAM the Ram flashes his KGB badge. CAM recently was exposed as being a KGB agent on assignment to destroy CSU Football's record. (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

Two-legged CAM revealed as KGB agent sent to destroy CSU football

Austin Fleskes March 31, 2020

Over the last few years, many fans of Colorado State University football have wondered how the team has gone downhill so quickly. But a recent exposé has revealed the reason: an inside agent. In a report...

Weights for workouts. (Photo courtesy Missy Miller)

How to stay fit during quarantine

Elena Waldman March 31, 2020

The World Health Organization recommends 75-150 minutes of moderate to high intensity exercise per week to combat the sedentary lifestyle brought on by the recent stay-at-home orders that are being enforced...

A frightened Tony Frank answers questions after being found hiding in a closet playing "Animal Crossing" on his Nintendo Switch. (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

Tony Frank found hiding in closet, playing Animal Crossing amid outbreak

Austin Fleskes March 31, 2020

While Colorado State University administration scrambled to address questions and concerns from worried students and the campus community, one prominent figure was unable to be found for several weeks:...

(Collegian file graphic)

5 songs that will bring the passion back to your sad, lonely sex life

Lauryn Bolz March 31, 2020

Step aside, Cosmo. We here at The Wake Up Slap are taking over as the authority on love, intimacy and, most importantly, awesome sex. This week, we’re taking on a conundrum many couples find themselves...

Colorado State University's plaza receives a huge wave a preachers the fall semester of 2018.  "God is good," rang through the air as students maneuvered around the eager evangelists. (Photo courtesy of Claire Oliver).

With no students on campus, religious people on Plaza face brutal mutiny after asking each other ‘if they have a minute’

Forrest Czarnecki March 31, 2020

As tears pooled in the corner of his eyes, he dropped his face into the palms of his hands. The sunglasses fell from the top of his head and clattered to the ground. His JanSport backpack rested on his...

Colorado State University landscape architecture major and freshman Camy Seelhoff loads her family’s car while moving out of Aspen Hall March 25 following the request by the CSU administration for freshmen to move out of the dorms if they can. (Matt Tackett | The Collegian)

Leibee: Moving home is the best choice for quarantine

Katrina Leibee March 31, 2020

Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board. Many students were forced...

A CSU Surveillance Goose flies away from campus after being laid off due to having no students to watch amid the COVID-19 pandemic. (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

Campus surveillance geese laid off amid COVID-19 outbreak

Austin Fleskes March 31, 2020

With the COVID-19 pandemic shutting down businesses and costing people jobs, Colorado State University saw its own spree of layoffs in the form of a well-established surveillance program. Due to the lack...

Colorado State University President Joyce McConnell awaits the December Class of 2020 students with oranges, brownies, and capri suns to congratulate them on finishing the semester. (Annie von Porcupine | The Wake Up Slap)

Joyce McConnell celebrates halfway point of semester with orange slices, promises Capri Sun and brownies at end of year

Forrest Czarnecki March 31, 2020

It was time to break out some of Florida’s finest on Monday as Colorado State University President Joyce McConnell kicked off a campus-wide celebration of reaching the halfway point in the spring semester. With...

The Campus Squirrel Alliance gathers on the Plaza as Squirrel Mayor Flufftail leads the protest from the Stump. (Annie von Porcupine | The Wake Up Slap)

Campus squirrels march on The Plaza

Serena Bettis March 31, 2020

The Campus Squirrel Alliance rallied on The Plaza March 30 to celebrate the first full week of a student-free campus. Unaware of the global pandemic because squirrels boycott the media, the CSA released...

Cooking with Scotty: How to pour a bowl of cereal

Cooking with Scotty: How to pour a bowl of cereal

Scott Powell March 31, 2020

Well folks, it’s finally happened. You’ve dreaded this day your whole life. You've lost hours upon hours of sleep lying awake in bed, drenched in sweat, anxiously awaiting its most dreadful and terrifying...

Photographic proof that the moon landing was a hoax. Do you see the lights and fans!? Do you see it!?!? (Smack Attackit | The Wake Up Slap)

McWilliams: The moon landing was fake

Leta McWilliams March 31, 2020

Editor’s Note: This is an April Fools' satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not...

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