Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s sports section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

Imagine the scene: A zombie apocalypse has taken over Colorado State University. The football team was the first to get infected and is now spreading the disease throughout the school. This infection can spread through bites, scratches or contact with infected DNA. CSU is on complete lockdown, and no one is allowed in or out.

Moby Arena is the safest place to hide. You can be contained inside, and all doors can be blocked and secured so no zombies can enter. Moby is big enough that many people can hide throughout the building. Canvas Stadium wouldn’t be a good place because it’s too open and doesn’t allow for much security.

The zombies are fast and strong but blind due to the infection. They can’t see anything, but their hearing is outstanding. Track and field will most likely survive this apocalypse because they would be perfect at outrunning zombies and making fast supply runs while being quiet.

CSU’s track and field athletes are more acclimated to the outdoors and the open air than most athletic teams on campus. They have an advantage over basketball and volleyball since they have more outdoor training. They know the best routes on campus, which would allow them to get supplies and move locations quickly and effectively.

Head coach Brian Bedard has been preparing his team for a moment just like this. Since track and field practice is held year-round, all coaches have been putting their athletes through a nightmare scenario to mentally prepare them for anything. Their physical training also allows them to have a competitive edge over all other sports programs.

Throwers will be able to use their abilities to defend against zombies from a distance. Whether they throw shot put, discus, hammers or javelins at zombies, they all can be very effective. Jumpers will succeed at getting away from zombies with the ability to jump over walls and use their hops to get high ground so they don’t risk infection. 

Runners can use their speed and stamina to run fast and far away from zombies. Since the zombies are quick and strong, the runners’ knowledge and practice will keep them alive. They will also be able to run supplies across campus quickly and efficiently.

Halloween being right around the corner means the track and field team is on the rise. The team’s first meet will take place Dec. 2 for the Air Force Holiday Open in Colorado Springs.

Reach Tyler Azzaro at sports@collegian.com or on Twitter @TylerAzzaro.