Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.

While former Colorado State University President Joyce McConnell may have had a hands-off approach when it came to handling real issues on campus, there is one area in which she made sure to actively interact with students, staff and faculty: their email inboxes.

However, after McConnell and the university parted ways over the summer, CSU students are experiencing an unfamiliar phenomenon: empty inboxes.

Earlier this week, CSU Technical Support released a report stating the school’s Outlook email systems saw a 72% drop in email usage during the first week of classes, largely due to a lack of emails from the former president.

For the last three years, CSU students, staff and faculty alike have all been graced by near-daily emails from former CSU President Joyce McConnell.

Seeing an email notification from McConnell pop up on your phone felt like Christmas morning for many students, and getting to read her unnecessarily long and rambling emails was just like tearing into that first present.

However, over the summer, McConnell and the university decided to part ways, with McConnell stepping down from her role as president. As a result, she stopped blessing the campus with her barrages of emails.

“Several analyses have concluded CSU students, staff and faculty primarily used their school emails to keep up to date on McConnell’s day-to-day activities. Without her lengthy emails, nobody has much reason to log into their Outlook accounts anymore.”

“Students just don’t have as much reason to open up their Outlook accounts anymore,” said Tany Fronk, an employee at the university’s Technical Support. “I mean, without Joyce McConnell updating the campus about everything from her outfits to what she ate for dinner, CSU students simply don’t have a need to check their emails.”

Alongside the massive dip in overall email usage, statistics show 58% of CSU students haven’t opened a single email since McConnell sent her last message as CSU president, while 47% haven’t logged into their email once in the months since McConnell’s departure.

Several analyses have concluded CSU students, staff and faculty primarily used their school emails to keep up to date on McConnell’s day-to-day activities. Without her lengthy emails, nobody has much reason to log into their Outlook accounts anymore.

The massive fall in email usage has put Outlook’s role at the university into question. Mick Riranda, an employee at CSU’s Office of the President, confirmed the university is looking into shutting the school’s email servers down entirely after seeing the new data.

“I think it’s safe to say Outlook’s main purpose at CSU was to be the delivery system through which Joyce would ramble on and on to the students,” Riranda said. “It was like her version of Snapchat; she would just spam everybody with stuff they didn’t care about. I mean, what even is there in your inbox aside from her emails? Canvas notifications? Nobody wants to see that.”

“Joyce was pretty much the only person who actively used their Outlook account, anyway,” Riranda said. “Without her here, there isn’t much need for a campus-wide email system.”

Reach Dylan Tusinski at letters@collegian.com or on Twitter @unwashedtiedye.