Trauma often changes a person’s relationship with boundaries. For staff members at the Women and Gender Advocacy Center at Colorado State University, addressing that change is an important part of survivors’ healing.

The WGAC works with primary and secondary survivors of sexual assault, relationship violence and stalking. Primary survivors are defined as the survivor themself, and secondary survivors are those close to the primary survivor. The center provides advocacy as well as information about academic, legal, medical, emotional and student conduct resources.

This work inspired confidential victim advocates Lauren Shulman and Alison Wood to facilitate a boundaries workshop April 5-26 through the WGAC.

Those interested in participating can email wgac@colostate.edu to schedule a 15-minute intake.

“When you’ve experienced trauma, your choice in what you do and how you do it has been taken away from you, and so your relationship with boundaries often changes.” -Alison Wood, confidential victim advocate

“One of the really common themes that comes up in working one-on-one with survivors is that they’re struggling to figure out how to hold boundaries with the people in their lives and sometimes with themselves,” Shulman said.

Shulman, who is also the coordinator for victim advocacy, said survivors also struggle with setting realistic boundaries, feeling guilt over boundaries and even feeling responsible for others’ emotions about their boundaries.

“We decided that holding a boundaries group would be beneficial for folks,” Shulman said. “Being able to talk openly and honestly, hopefully, about boundaries could help people kind of define what their boundaries are and what it means to set them and hold them.”

Boundaries can be a difficult topic for both survivors of sexual assault or abuse and for those that have simply had negative experiences with boundaries.

“When you’ve experienced trauma, your choice in what you do and how you do it has been taken away from you, and so your relationship with boundaries often changes,” Wood said.

Even some habits that may be viewed as selfless, like putting others’ needs above one’s own, can be a sign of a complex relationship with boundaries.

“Putting someone else over yourself is often a coping mechanism and a survival strategy for people in difficult relationships,” Wood said. “That sticks with people, even if it’s a five-year relationship or a one-time encounter.”

“No book can tell you the absolute capital-T truth about what is right for you. No book, no resource, nobody can tell you that. You have to be the owner of what is best for you.” -Lauren Shulman, WGAC coordinator for victim advocacy

Some don’t realize they can set boundaries because past experiences have taught them that by setting boundaries, they could encounter conflict and negative emotional responses, Shulman said.

Because both Wood and Shulman recognize that this workshop will be hosting people with a variety of different experiences, they aim to create a space where healthy boundaries can be set and respected from the beginning. This does not just mean speaking to the issues but also practicing them in action.

Wood gave the example of participation, saying that if someone needs to miss a session or leave halfway through, they may feel guilty or feel like they are disappointing or hurting the facilitators, but that’s not the case.

“Your needs are what is best for us,” Wood said. “You have the right to miss out on material to take care of yourself because that’s a boundary.”

Outside of the workshop, personal work with boundaries will likely continue. Shulman and Wood said there are good alternatives to continue working with boundaries.

Working directly with an advocate at the center, a counselor at the CSU Health Network or looking into books like “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself” by Nedra Glover Tawwab are good alternatives for those who feel a need to learn boundaries but aren’t interested in the group.

While having multiple resources is beneficial, Shulman encourages a critical mindset.

“No book can tell you the absolute capital-T truth about what is right for you,” Shulman said. “No book, no resource, nobody can tell you that. You have to be the owner of what is best for you.”

Reach Ivy Secrest at life@collegian.com or on Twitter @IvySecrest.