Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board.
In college, finding genuine connections is a challenge. You have four years to get to know other students, then after graduation, you may never see them again. It’s hard to open up and feel confident about building a real connection. Students yearn for bonds — once you find one, you hold onto it tight.
As they search for these bonds, students typically look in areas that are familiar to them. Maybe you have the same major, you’re from the same area, you both have a cat or you share a love of apple pie. Whatever it is, most friendships stem from similarities. Humans enjoy spending time with people who share the same interests — perhaps because we think those with commonalities will like us more.
It seems simple enough: Find a friend with shared interests, identical political opinions and similar future goals. But in reality, similarity weakens friendships. These types of relationships can lead to arguments, excessive comfort and zero connection.
“There is a reason the phrase “opposites attract” is a cliché — it’s true. We are meant to be surrounded by complexities.”
When you spend time with people who have similar personalities, you’re bound to disagree. By assuming your friend thinks the same as you, you assume that they’re always on the same page. But you can never predict how someone will perceive a situation, and without important distinctions, those misunderstandings lead to conflict. Two people with similar interests can also become competitive; once they start bickering, neither person is willing to back down.
With alike personalities and shared interests also comes joint beliefs. If you spend all of your time with people who believe the same exact things you do, you will experience too much ease. You will never be challenged, and as humans, challenges are crucial; they push us out of our comfort zones and promote personal growth.
Psychologically, when we feel comfortable, we experience low levels of stress and anxiety. While it provides security, it can also lead to stagnation. When we grow too comfortable, we avoid new experiences and dodge opportunities that could lead to growth and self-improvement.
When you hang out with your “twin friend” all the time, it gets boring. Let’s say you’re in a band, you love fantasy and come from Georgia. If you spend all your time with those in the band, fantasy lovers and Georgians, then you will never have in-depth connections. You will get sick of talking about music notes, magical centaurs and peach cobbler. You will outgrow each other and create unnecessary animosity.
Thankfully, this is easy to avoid. Surround yourself with people who offer diversity in friendships, which are meant to be complex. Interact with those who have entirely different interests or world views from yours. Challenge yourself to learn.
You also need to spend time with people who hold different political and religious beliefs. It’s crucial to explore different perspectives; if you never look at the other side, then how can you defend your own? There is always a rebuttal, and you need to familiarize yourself with it — spending time with people from the opposite side is the best way to do so.
There is a reason the phrase “opposites attract” is a cliché — it’s true. We are meant to be surrounded by complexities. You are a mosaic of everyone you’ve ever known — don’t you want your mosaic to be complex? Completely immersing yourself in diverse friendships makes you a more thoughtful person. Surrounding yourself with your “twins” is too simple.
Reach Charlotte Seymour at letters@collegian.com or on social media @RMCollegian.
